Welcome to Issue #8 of The Naked Roommate Newsletter - GREEK LIFE: Fraternizing & Sororitizing. As a man who has pledged two fraternities, become a full member of one fraternity (Alpha Epsilon Pi, Indiana University), and visited hundreds of sororities (before politely being asked to leave), I'm excited to share what I've learned over the years as a Greek.

Some people think that joining a social fraternity or sorority is all about buying friends (this would be called friendstituting), wearing matching outfits, or drinking until you vomit (no, you don’t need to join a house to do that), but that’s not really an accurate depiction of Greek Life. The real picture of social fraternities and sororities is one of tremendous opportunity, slight debauchery, occasional peer pressure, and a brotherhood and sisterhood of risk takers who become leaders in the world. I hope this issue can shine a rarely seen light on the Greek world and the members who populate it.

As always, a special thank you goes out to all of those who continue to populate and propagate The Naked Roommate Facebook Group (if you’re not in, please join), The Naked Roommate Newsletter (sign up now), and my MySpace community (be my friend). Your continued support is appreciated. Now, before getting to the nakedness inside this issue, I'd like to wish you all a Happy Halloween (yes, I'm going as a naked roommate). Whether you're wearing a costume or just pretending to be something you’re not – enjoy all your tricks and treats (always wear protection).

NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE: The Non-Alcoholic Issue: Is it possible to NOT drink in college? Why haven’t you gotten wasted? If you are one of those drinkers, do you have non-drinkers as friends? Can you still have a social life and be sober? Can you find a date, love, sex? Share your sobering titillating stories!!! Only your college and year in school will be included. If you want to remain anonymous, just let me know when submitting your stories Sending your stories means that you grant Harlan permission to use your stories in The Naked Roommate Newsletter, online, in books, and anywhere else Harlan's writing appears.

THE STORY:
I decided to rush because my dad was in a fraternity when he was in college and I loved hearing all the stories he told when I was little. I wanted to be a part of that as well. Also, I had seen "sorority life" on MTV and was intrigued by that show. I joined because I was in a new town where I didn't know that many people and when I was with the girls in the sorority, I felt like I had a second home and I felt at ease...not so nervous about being alone for the first time.

The best part about being Greek is definitely the friendships and memories. I know people are always asking me, "Why pay to have friends?" Being in a sorority doesn't mean you're paying to have friends because all the girls don't have to like each other; they just have to respect each other. I know I don't like all my sorority sisters and that's okay. The girls I have become close with are friends I count on for everything. They are my rocks when I need them. I love that when I get upset someone will notice and comfort me. The memories are also unforgettable...you remember them forever because they happen at the most important time of your life.

My least favorite part about being Greek would have to be the competition between sororities and how some girls are stereotyped because of what sorority they are in. There are only 4 sororities at my university and we experience major competition. There always "a best sorority" and I hate that because I have friends in every sorority. I don't want to be competing with them because we're all Greek. One sorority doesn't reign over all the other sororities. Many of the girls are stereotyped because of what sorority they are in. It's sad because many of these girls aren't what the stereotype is, but yet, people in the community look at them differently because of the letters they wear.

One thing I didn’t like about the process - the girls in other sororities who were so nice to me during rush didn't notice me after rush. That was depressing!

LIVING THE GREEK LIFE

I didn’t get into the fraternity I rushed first semester. My friends got in. I was out. The guys got to know me over the next few months. Then, they offered me a bid second semester. That’s when I started pledging Sigma Alpha Mu at UW-Madison. Two months later, I depledged. Part of the reason was that I was transferring (to Indiana University). The other reason is that I looked around at the guys I had surrounded myself with and realized I only liked a few of them. I couldn’t stomach a few of them. The problem was that while I was rushing the house, I was too busy wanting to be liked to decide if I liked the guys in the house I was trying to impress (a big mistake a lot of pledges make). So, I left UW- Madison. I transferred to Indiana University and pledged Alpha Epsilon Pi. My two older brothers were both in AEPi, so they had no choice but to take me.

I pledged (hated it), I was on executive board (enjoyed it), I went to parties (loved some), I got involved in leadership positions (enjoyed them). And that’s pretty much how I’d sum up my Greek experience. Some parts suck, some parts are amazing, and other parts neither suck nor are amazing. The problem is that people outside the Greek system only see the parts of Greek life that suck. I understand why this happens. I mean, it would be depressing to think that what’s happening inside is better than what’s happening outside. But when it comes to Greek Life (social fraternities and sororities, not academic fraternities and sororities), there seems to be more hate than love from the outside world --- and most of it isn’t justified. Greek or not Greek, there are three kinds of people walking around college campuses:

1) People who want to be cool
2) People who think they’re cool
3) People who don’t care about being cool

People in Group 1 (the people who want to be cool) tend do anything to be cool, try way too hard, and end up looking ridiculous. The people in Group 2 (people who think they’re too cool) tend to be cocky, arrogant, mean, and insensitive (a.k.a. assholes). Put someone from either group in a sweatshirt or sweatparnts with Greek letters and they become Tau Alpha Rho Gamma Epislon Tau Sigmas (TARGETS). They turn into everything those who aren’t Greek hate about Greeks. But Greek or non- Greek, you’ve got the same three groups inside and outside the Greek System. It’s just harder to group them when they don’t have Greek letters on the rearends. Sure, some fraternities and sororities have a higher concentration of complete morons, but there are plenty of people who have integrity and who aren’t idiots. The majority tend to be leaders on campus. And no, not all Greeks are drunk, high, and shallow people who can’t stop partying. Again, there are drunk, high, and shallow people all over campus. In fact, go to a party hosted by Greeks and you find non-Greeks participating in the stupidity. Just because it’s happening inside doesn’t mean that it’s exclusive to that community. Binge drinking and wearing matching hairstyles and outfits aren’t exclusive to Greeks.

In reality, the Greek life is a great life filled with choices. And yes, membership did have benefits. Such benefits included a social life. Some people might call it buying friends, but no one ever bought my friendship (I charged $100 a week). There were date parties, formals, tailgates, athletics, talent competitions, and activities that involve other Greek houses. Every week offered an opportunity to participate in a fundraiser (see video of Rutgers Dance Marathon), to volunteer locally, to serve in student government, to run our house as part of exec board, and to meet influential people on campus. Then there are the benefits of sharing common bonds. Like in Legally Blonde when Reese Withersoon first meets her sorority sister (the one stuck in jail) and then the judge (at the beauty salon). And then there are the academic benefits. Test files, upper classmen who can help, and study groups with brothers are helpful. In fact, most Greek Chapters have higher GPAs than the rest of campus.

The biggest drawback of Greek life is that it’s easy to be a follower, it's easy to be a partier, it's easy to become someone isolated from the rest of campus in the Greek bubble, and it's way too easy to be unfairly judged by those living outside the Greek community.

A STORY FROM Rejection Awareness Week (R.A.W.)

Dear Harlan,

I didn't recognize him as attractive. I just didn't think of him in that way, but he secretly did. It was the spring of 1996 when "Marc" and I were at a bar hanging out. I told him that I needed a date to a formal dance at my sorority. I said I was sick of taking guys as friends. He said, "Why don't you take me?" I repeated, "I'm sick of taking friends?" He repeated, "Why don't you take me?" this time with a devilish grin.

To be honest, I had never thought about Marc like that. At first, I was kind of weirded out. We had been the closest of friends for two years. In fact, he was my very best friend. We talked every day. I was shocked by the whole idea of it all. I didn't know what to do.

I turned to my girlfriends for help. I didn't want to ruin the friendship we had. To add another wrinkle, I had dated his best friend for a couple of years back in high school. Marc and I had such a strong friendship. I couldn't imagine my life without him. I was afraid of screwing it up. But still, I decided to go slowly and try it out.

We hung out for a few weeks and spent more and more time together. It started to feel really uncomfortable. I didn't like kissing him; it felt weird. He had a different kissing style; he was very aggressive. After a few weeks, I suggested we put a stop to it. I was heading off to Paris to study abroad for the year, and it didn't feel right. He agreed that it wasn't working. It wasn't like a break-up. It just didn't work. When I left the country, we both said the same thing: It might feel right another time, but not now.

While I was away, I fell in love with him. He wrote handwritten letters to me once a week. We wrote each other e-mail. Letters were always signed "I love you." We talked on the phone once a month. My heart raced. I was falling for him.

I started to see that he had all the qualities of someone I wanted to date. I became more and more physically attracted to him. Seven months into my program, he came to Paris to visit. There were times during his visit that I felt like he was getting really close and wanted to kiss me, but I avoided it. The timing wasn't right. It was a week in Paris, and I was getting weak resisting the urge, but I waited.

I came back home, and it was like old times. I specifically remember one afternoon when we were running errands. I made a mental note because he was complaining that he couldn't find anyone he wanted to date. Well, I had a girl for him. And a week later, at about 4 in the morning after a night out with friends, I finally blurted it out.

I erupted, "I'm interested in dating again." He was so excited. Not knowing what else to say or do, he exploded, "I just want to kiss you!" It's been four and a half years, and we just got engaged. And every day, I find him even more attractive.