Welcome to The Seventh Edition of The Naked Roommate Newsletter - THE COMING OUT ISSUE IS OUT. If you’re not gay, and don’t know someone who is gay, you probably just don’t know a lot of people or don’t know that the people you know are gay. Maybe you’ll find out this year. Maybe next year. If you want to meet someone who’s gay, then attend one of the hundreds of GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender) clubs or organizations found on college campuses.

For those of you who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, and don’t want anyone to know, you can always tell me (I won't tell). If you want to tell other people and come out, never before has there been a better time or place to be gay (read this week’s blog). And please, continue to share your stories in The Naked Roommate forums and blog. As always, please invite friends to join The Naked Roommate Facebook Group and sign up for The Naked Roommate Newsletter.

SAD NEWS TO REPORT: If you haven’t heard, a student at UW-LaCrosse was recently found dead in a river near downtown. The story is that the 21-year-old athlete drank so much that he likely fell in the water and drowned. His body was discovered with the equivalent of a case of beer in his system, according to officials as reported by the Chicago Tribune. It’s a sad reminder to be smart about being stupid. If you’re going to be stupid, hang out with people who will catch you if you fall or need help. It's horrible to hear about students accidentally dying this year. Even worse, there will be more stories to come.

NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE: The BEST and WORST part about GREEK LIFE. Why did you join? Why did you not join? What do you love the MOST? What do you like the LEAST? I need your GREEK LIFE STORIES! Only your college and year in school will be included. If you want to remain anonymous, just let me know when submitting your stories Sending your stories means that you grant Harlan permission to use your stories in The Naked Roommate Newsletter, online, in books, and anywhere else Harlan's writing appears.

THE STORY:
I couldn’t tell my parents that I was gay. Devastation? Not an option—they plain wouldn’t allow it, not under their roof. But that’s who I was, who I am. It’s not all of me, and it’s not even the most important part of me, but I’m gay. Life’s hard sometimes, harder in our culture than it is for heterosexuals. The majority. And still, after two therapists—“They’ll help you with your confusion,” my parents would say—I can’t help but look out of the corner of my eye at the good-looking man walking towards me on Fifth Avenue, sitting a few tables down from me in the cafeteria, or researching term papers in the library, too. He understands.

It all runs together now as “high school,” but high school is four very important years. A month left until my fifteenth birthday, my parents became the first people to know of my orientation. I was a growing adolescent, porn was hot, and one way or another I managed to forget to shove the magazines and cheap computer print-outs back under my mattress.

Shit.

Long talks lay ahead. Four years of talks, and just when I’m sure they’re over, another one pops up. “You’re not gay, you’re young. You’re confused.” Over, over, and over again. “I’m so fucking tired of hearing this from you!” I’d shout. Once, I overdosed on medicines and terrified the hell out of myself. Nothing. By the time senior year of high school rolled around, I wasn’t changing my mind, and all of my friends knew, it became: “You’re confused. You’re not gay. But don’t tell anyone you’re gay.” What?! Now I was confused!

Next, following my parents, came my brother, three years younger than me: “Get out of my room, faggot!” An eighth grader. I realize how fortunate I was to attend a very liberal (if Catholic) high school. I never forgot the continued support I receive from my closest friends. How terrible it must be for those in much stricter, more conservative living situations. When my brother made it to college and realized that I’m not the only gay person on planet earth, he came around; I just don’t bring it up around my parents.

There’s some extremely odd sense of acceptance or love or both from my parents. I’d never, ever be allowed to bring a boyfriend home (as my brother brings his wonderful girlfriend over nearly 24/7) as long as I’m living under their roof, borrowing their money for undergraduate and graduate tuition. And when I’m on my own, perhaps they’ll still deny it in their funny, hurtful kind of way (“A good friend of his,” they might say). Hopefully, they don’t. But I’m proud of who I am in every aspect. I’m not going to let the little bumps in the road, my aunt would say, stop me from reaching my goals. My aspirations. I’m gay: it’s not all of me; it’s not even the most important part of me. And every so often, my mother and father will settle in for the evening with me for a Judy Garland marathon. “They’re classic,” they say.

That’s life.

A VERY GOOD YEAR TO BE GAY

A man can’t be a lesbian, but a woman can be gay. So for the sake of this entry, I’m going to use the word gay to include men and women. Actually, if I do that then I’ll leave out all the bisexual and transgendered students. That’s not right. And if you don’t know what a transgendered student is then you haven’t met a student with male sex organs living his life as a woman (or a student with female sex organs living life as a man). So for the sake of being all-inclusive, I’ll go with the GLBT acronym.

It’s funny (not laugh out loud funny, just ironic funny), my original entry was going to be about GLBT centers on different campuses with the best and worst acronyms (over the years, I’ve seen some terrible ones). But while doing research, instead of finding bad acronyms, what I came across was something shocking. There has never been so much support for GLBT students in the history of GLBT students. Now, I’m not a gay history buff (although that’s got a ring), or gay, but I do believe that in the 33 years since the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its new diagnostic manual of mental disorders (1973), there's never been a better time to be homosexual and in college (and if you disagree, feel free to share your comments in this blog). I’m not saying that it’s easy (I don’t think hiding your girlfriend, boyfriend, or sexual orientation from family and friends because of a fear of being judged, rejected, and even physically hurt can ever be called easy), I just think it’s a really good time to be gay compared to 10 or 15 years ago. If you want to see what I’m talking about, check out The National Consortium of Directors of Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender Resources in Higher Education . Click on the directory list. What you’ll find is name after name of people who are allies to GLBT students on college campuses. It’s not just private colleges, or public colleges, you’ve got religious institutions who are offering GLBT students support and protecting their rights. To not support GLBT issues is to be a fundamentally flawed institution. And this whole GLBT network has legs that extend into particular fields and majors. Another monster list can be found on the ANGLES, the American Network of Gay & Lesbian Law Students. ANGLES is for law students who are gay and lesbian. You won’t find a lot of judges judging others because of their sexual orientation.

The support for GLBT students isn’t just in college, it starts in high school. The Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network is a place for high school students to find support and community. And for those high school students who want to attend a GLBT friendly campus, this year there’s a new college directory: The Advocate College Guide for LGBT Students (Alyson Books) rates the top 100 GLBT college offering insight and a GPA rating (Gay Point Average rating the colleges reviewed). In 2006, we live in a world with gay leaders, gay politicians, gay parades, gay pride, gay talk show hosts, gay actors, gay doctors, gay lawyers, gay clergy, gay musicians, gay TV networks, gay magazines, gay websites, gay retail workers, gay soldiers (don’t ask and don’ t tell), and gay everything else you can think of. Again, there is still a long way to go when it comes to having equal rights in all areas of life, but eighteen years ago, when today’s college freshman were born, being GLBT didn’t mean having a community, a website, support, or even having an acronym. It often meant having a secret, having shame, and having no where to turn.

This year is a good year to be gay. Next year will be a better year. And the year after that, an even better one. Who knows, with all the GLBT lawyers out there, maybe someone will be able to get legally married in the U.S. - it’s just a matter of time.

Dear Harlan,

I'm a 16-year-old guy who does very well in school and is pretty active in his community. On the whole, I'm a pretty happy person, except when it comes to dating. The problem isn't girls; plenty of them have liked me. The problem is that I'm gay and in the closet. Part of me wants to come out, but I don't know if I could handle dealing with all the high-school drama and hatred people seem to feel toward gays. Yet, at the same time, I am not happy not being able to date who I want and express who I am. Do you have any suggestions for how to get over my fear of being ostracized by my peers and throw caution to the wind?

Dear Dazed,

High school can be a windy place to come out. The problem isn't you; it's that most people in high school - gay, bi or hetero - aren't that comfortable in their own skin. Uncomfortable people don't deal with change well. And that brings me to the one thing once-closeted men and women have repeatedly told me: Until you're comfortable with your sexual orientation, it will be too hard when those around you don't treat you the way you know you should be treated. So, get comfortable in your skin. Surround yourself with people who have been there. Start with teachers, students, and grads from your high school who have come out or are allies. Also visit www.outproud.org (a great site). When you're ready to throw caution to the wind, make sure you're firmly grounded and equipped to weather any possible storm.