Welcome to The Sixth Edition of The Naked Roommate Newsletter, THE SCREWING UP YOUR GPA ISSUE. Because I don't want to screw up your GPA (you should really be studying right now), I’m going to keep this intro extremely short. A quick thank you to everyone who keeps The Naked Roommate Facebook Group growing. If you’re new to the nakedness this week, please invite your friends to join The Naked Roommate Facebook Group and sign up for The Naked Roommate Newsletter. Your continued support is deeply appreciated!!!

In the spirit of passing classes, my hope is that The Screwing Up Your GPA Issue will inspire you to not screw up your GPA and to at least get a C (or better) so you can stick around and make it to graduation. When you’re done reading this issue, get back to work! If you don't have time to read this right now, what the hell are you doing? I don't want you to blame me or The Naked Roommate for screwing up your GPA.

NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE: THE COMING OUT ISSUE is COMING OUT. How did you come out? How did your good friend come out? How did your ex come out? How are you planning on coming out? I need your stories to come on out! Only your college and year in school will be included. Sending your stories means that you grant Harlan permission to use your stories in The Naked Roommate Newsletter, online, in books, and anywhere else Harlan's writing appears.

THE STORY: When I first graduated high school in 2002 I went to Kansas State. I thought I could breeze through college like I did in high school. WRONG!! I made it through my first year with a 2 point something GPA; my third semester there I started to party more and skip more classes. At the end of the semester I had flunked out. Since then I took a semester off, went to community college and now I am here at PSU currently with a 4.0, but my cumulative GPA is catching back up at a 2.9 I think. I am hoping to graduate in May of 2008.

THE STORY: I didn't go to my Algebra class. I went the first day, but because the building was a 25 minute walk, I just didn't go. Now I'm failing, there's no way I can make up all the material, and I have to withdraw from that class, which means lose all my money, money that I worked hard for. And I still have to take the stupid class again next semester. The thing(s) I would do over if I could, is to go to class no matter what, but also to schedule classes that aren't so far of a walk for me!!

HOW TO PASS CLASS

A lot of you are freaking out right about now because it’s the beginning of the year and your first big test is coming your way. Assuming you’ve gone to class (at least most of the time), there’s a good chance you will NOT fail. Sure, you might not get an A or a B, but you’re not going to get thrown out. Again, this is assuming you’ve gone to class. The opposite of going to class would be NOT going to class and NOT getting up in the morning. This means ignoring the alarm, assuming you set an alarm, or own an alarm. It means doing whatever you want with whomever you want the night before or during class. It could mean sleeping, drinking, smoking, or sexing (a new verb) through the semester. It would mean never hearing what your professors have to say, avoiding material that’s going to be on exams, and never taking or buying notes for exams (that can get expensive).

If you were to think of your college education as your vocation, going to class would naturally be your job. If you blow off your job on a regular basis (i.e. classes) because you are hung over, too tired, too high, or extremely horny (i.e. spending the morning with your significant other or alone), you can expect to get fired. The beauty about college is that it takes a few months to get fired (or fail). Also, in college you do not get paid thousands of dollars to attend classes, instead you pay thousands of dollars. I suppose when you’re the one paying money (or your parents), it takes longer to get fired than when someone is paying you (makes sense). So if you make the effort to NOT go to class, don’t be surprised when you fail. And then, when the semester ends, and you’re asked to leave, expect to find a job and/or expect a possible visit to rehab. I mean, if you are paying thousands of dollars and sleeping through classes because you’re too drunk, too high, too horny or too tired, it’s the same as missing work because you’re too drunk, too high, too horny, or too tired (minus paying thousands of dollars). Therefore, failing would mean that drinking, drugs, sex, or lack of sleep are the reason(s) why you have failed. NOTE: This will be important information to keep in mind when someone suggests that you need to go into rehab or get treatment for your problem and you’re like, “Listen, I do NOT have a problem.” But that would be like a professor who sleeps through class because he or she is high or drunk or sleeping with students instead of teaching class saying, “I don’t have a problem.” Then again, if you had the professor who got high and drunk regularly and missed class because of sleeping with students, you might actually pass the class because your professor wouldn’t be in class enough to know if you were in class. You could even get an A if you’re the one the professor is sleeping with (not recommended). Unfortunately, most professors do show up for class, or just have their teaching assistants show up. And you can’t sleep with all of your professors and get straight As. Therefore, you need to be in class in mind and body.

But just going to class and watching a movie on your video iPod in class doesn’t count as BEING in class. Going to class and texting the friend sitting next to you about the girl or guy sitting next to your friend in class doesn’t count as BEING in class. Going to class with your laptop and shopping online, watching videos, playing Internet poker, or trading players in your ESPN Fantasy Football League in class doesn’t count as BEING in class. In all these situations, passing is just another fantasy. You need to BE engaged (at least a little bit engaged) while in your classes. If you go to classes in mind and body and still can’t pass your classes, talk to your professors and get some help. If you don’t want to ask for help because you’re too afraid of looking stupid, imagine failing out and proudly bragging to friends and family how you spent $25,000 and never asked for help because you didn’t want to look stupid. Look at it this way, professors need people like you to NOT know things. If all students knew everything professors would be useless. Make them feel valued. Give them a purpose. Ask for help.

So, if you want to pass, go to class in mind and body, ask for help when you need help (or before you need it), and you will pass. If don’t want to pass, do whatever the hell you want. When you fail, be proud that you have succeeded in failing.

Dear Harlan,

I am a freshman in college, on my way to becoming a sophomore in the fall of this year. I have not done too well in many of my classes, and I don't know if I want to continue attending school or drop out. I have two problems: One, my parents have my life set for me and won't let me drop out. Two, if I drop out, I would not know what to do because my parents would not support me anymore, on top of the fact that I wouldn't be able to get a good enough job to support myself without a college degree. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Help me. I don't know where to turn.

Dear Dropping Out,

If you were leaving for something special - like Bill Gates leaving Harvard to start Microsoft - it would be different. But you're just looking to sit on a couch. There are plenty of couches in college. Besides, if you graduate with a college degree, you'll earn on average $23,000 more than having only a high-school diploma (U.S. Census Bureau). That can buy you a very nice couch.

If this is about rebelling or finding yourself, just do it in college. You can take classes that interest you (not just the ones that interest your parents). You can change your major. You can get a part-time job. You can go abroad for a year. Use rebellion to get you to a better place. Use college to help you find a path to pursue. If your parents won't fuel the journey, at least you'll have direction, and maybe a nicer couch.