WELCOME TO THE THIRD EDITION OF THE NAKED ROOMMATE NEWSLETTER. To start off, I’d like to thank those of you who continue to help spread the nakedness via The Naked Roommate Facebook Group. I’m using this group and the new friendships I've formed (BFF) via Facebook and MySpace to help gather information regarding each week’s topic. I invite you to invite your friends and family to invite their friends and family to join the group and sign up for the newsletter. The more people participating in the nakedness, the more powerful this forum will become. The goal is ONE MILLION VOICES in ONE MILLION DAYS (that calcs out to 2,740 years). Now, on with this week’s uplifting issue.

If Long Distance Relationships were sandwich cookies (similar to Oreos), each one would consist of two delicious cookies on the outside with a different kind of filling in the center (the cookies represent time together, the filling is time apart). Sometimes the filling would be chocolate, sometimes vanilla, and sometimes fecal matter. I know it's a disgusting analogy, but to pretend that long distance relationships are all good is to misrepresent them. The big question on the minds of those trying to make long distance work:

How do you make the middle (time spent apart) palatable so that you don't toss your cookies?

To answer this question, I’ve conducted extensive research from coast to coast, talking to students living LDRs, struggling with LDRs, and reflecting upon their LDRs. I’ve evened opened up my own LDR past. The result is a Naked Roommate Newsletter issue that can be used as a guide for those who want to make their LDR work, and for those who want to understand why their LDR it’s not working. And please, if you know of someone who can use help making sense of an LDR, be a friend and forward this issue. WARNING: This issue extremely honest and might upset those who don't want to live in reality.

NEXT WEEK's: THE VIRGIN ISSUE. Why did you decide to lose it? Why did you decide to hang onto it? How did you accidentally misplace it? Send me your most personal stories. Remember, identities will be kept confidential (only your college and year in school will be included).

THE STORY: My long distance relationship has been able to go the distance in college because we both care so much for each other that we know that we both are meant for each other. There is no doubt that long distance is the hardest and most painful experience in the world, knowing that the person you love is miles away and you cannot hold them everyday and feel safe in there arms. But ours is surviving because we remain in constant contact with one another. We write letters, write blogs, always say "I love you" and hold true to our plans to marry in the future. I was terrified of long distance relationships, but loving her has been so amazing that letting go is impossible. When you find someone that keeps you going, you can accomplish those goals. We make the most out of every chance we get to see one another, and we always plan to see each other whenever possible. At times it can be really difficult. That’s why you have to distract yourself sometimes -- play a sport, and join a club. That’s how I pass the time until we see each other again. She is everything I wanted, and knowing that is what keeps me waiting.

THE STORY: My long distance relationship has been able to go the distance in college because my boyfriend and I were friends in the beginning of high school, and slowly realized that we wanted a relationship. We haven't had sex yet, and I think that's one of the reasons that our relationship made it through the transition to college. I've seen sex add a lot of stress on friends and their boyfriends or girlfriends. That's why we've chosen to wait until we're both completely ready. Also, my boyfriend knows that he can tell me anything. Good communication is what keeps us so strong when we're apart.

THE STORY: My long distance relationship fell apart in college because my girlfriend could not deal with not seeing me everyday. We dated my senior year of high school up until the middle of my spring semester. We were only an hour-and-a-half away, which I don't see as being much distance. She says she couldn't deal with not having me there to comfort her and make her happy. So I told her we should break up. Odd thing is, she is now at Ball State University and is dating a guy that goes to Purdue. Her friends told me that she felt like our relationship had changed and that I deserved better than what she was able to offer. I agree.

THE STORY: My long distance relationship has been able to go the distance in college because my boyfriend is my best friend and my biggest fan. I'm having a really hard time at college. I haven't found that many people I have things in common with, and I hate my classes. I'm looking to transfer back home in the spring. My boyfriend is a huge supporter and knows that I'll be able to make it these few months. Trust isn't an issue at all. I feel like crap when he's not around. I guess that's both a good and bad thing. I mean, who wants to feel like crap, right? But it shows me how much I care. Spending this time apart will only make it better in the long run. And I think what makes it work is that we both understand it'll be better when we can be together all the time again.

THE STORY: My long distance relationship has been able to go the distance in college because we both haven’t found other people that we would rather be with, and we care about each other, with frequent visits with one coming home one weekend and the other visiting the next.

HOW TO AVOID GETTING YOUR LDR PUPPY SHOT

Tears streamed down her cheeks. Her chin rested on his shoulder as they hugged one last time. He closed his eyes and held back his tears. She just cried. A deep kiss, a long embrace, another kiss, she turned away. Once through security, she walked with her head twisted, looking behind every other step, staring at her boyfriend who was standing behind security at the end of the terminal. A last wave from him, a wave from her, he turned away. He started walking. She fell into the seat across from me. The next hour I watched as she rode out the waves of emotions. I could tell what was happening. I knew because I had cried the same tears when I went away to college. I had thought the same thoughts. I had been the boyfriend on the other end of a long distance relationship.

Few of us who have been in LDRs choose to fall in love with someone who lives hundreds or thousands of miles away. When love meets distance, the choice is simple – deal with the distance or shoot the puppy. Let me explain that part about the puppy. See, three months into college, my high school girlfriend’s father had a talk with her. He compared our relationship to a dying puppy, urging her to end us and shoot the puppy. She fired. My heart broke. In retrospect, it was the right thing to do. A lot of you have asked me how you can make your long distance relationship work. I want it to work, believe me. It’s just hard. You have to really want it to work. I’m not going to make this all pretty. Long distance sucks, it’s hard, it’s tough. If you can go the distance with the LDR, what you’ll find on the other end is the beginning of a life together built on something solid. But to get there, you need to be honest with yourself, your partner, and others who want to be your new significant other. In the spirit of the raw side of LDRS, this isn’t pretty, it’s just blunt, and true.

IF YOU ARE NOT 100 PERCENT COMMITTED to doing the work, don’t act like it (especially you theater majors). Pretending is a load of crap and a waste of everyone’s time. FORCE YOURSELF TO HAVE A LIFE WHILE APART. No life apart = no future together (or a very limited unhealthy one). Talking all day, dating via a webcam at night (roommates beware), and traveling every weekend to be with each other is not healthy. It might work for a while, but not forever. HAVING FUN WHILE APART IS NOT A BETRAYAL. BEING MISERABLE APART IS NOT A SIGN OF DEVOTION, it’s just a sign of being devoted to misery. The more you can encourage your significant other to be happy, the more your significant other will appreciate you (that’s the hope). If having a life means growing apart, your relationship wasn’t worth keeping. If you can’t see this, you’re either too insecure or too immature for something so serious. IF YOU CAN’T TRUST THE RELATIONSHIP STOP IT RIGHT NOW because you have NO CHANCE of making it work. Trust allows you to sleep when you don’t know where or what your significant other is doing. Without trust, it’s too much to handle. It will make you crazeeee (yes, I meant for those e’s to be here). AVOID JEALOUSY. IT’S A BEAST that feasts on all the trust in the relationship until it’s gone. AND without trust you have nothing. TALK when there is a problem BUT DON’T CREATE PROBLEMS SO THAT YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT. Also, have more than one person to talk to about the relationship. Find friends, professionals in the counseling office, spiritual leaders, people outside of the relationship, others in the midst of similar relationships. Appreciate that long distance is hard, heavy, emotional, and not something to do alone. Lean on others. AND PLEASE, if you start to develop feelings for someone else or grow apart, DO NOT CHEAT. Cheating only causes more pain on top of the pain of breaking up and ruins the possibility of a future together. Step away from the relationship and do what you need to do.

WHAT YOU NEED TO MAKE THIS WORK IS unconditional love, trust, compassion, empathy, intimacy, balance, confidence, luck, an insatiable hunger to want it to work, and a willingness to do the work to make it work. MY LDR DIDN’T WORK because I had no life, I expected my girlfriend to handle all my problems, I started to get jealous that she was having fun without me, I began to feel insecure, I stopped trusting, and eventually, things got so bad that her dad told her the only humane thing to do was to end it. So she aimed, fired, and shot the puppy.

Dear Harlan,

I'm a junior in high school. My boyfriend "Rob" and I have been dating off and on for almost a year. He loves me and I love him, but the age difference and distance between college and home have been hard. We decided we'd stop being girlfriend and boyfriend. The problem is that Rob gets very depressed and always has. I love him, but I can't deal with his problems. I can see being his friend, but nothing more. When we hang out it's somber, but he still holds my hand and puts his arm around me like we're a couple. I'm afraid that if I really end it, he will become more depressed. This is eating at my heart. Help me! And please don't tell me to just cut this out and show it to him; I hate it when columnists say that.

Heartsick

Dear Heartsick,

If you stay close to keep him from getting more depressed, he'll remain depressed and you'll become depressed (very depressing). If you break up with him (again), he'll become even more depressed, but at least he'll be able to find someone else (not as depressing) and you'll be able to find some balance (also not depressing). Tell him the truth - that you need space because it's too heavy emotionally for you (and don't cut this column out; you can just tear it or read it to him). Steer him in the direction of counseling on his campus. If he seems at risk of hurting himself, contact his parents. Rob needs professional help, and you need Rob to avoid robbing you of life in high school.