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IS BOOKING DATES FOR FALL. LAST YEAR'S DATES INCLUDED: |
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| RAPE
TRAUMA SYNDROME (RTS) - RTS is a label used to identify a
spectrum of symptoms that a survivor of sexual assault or
harassment may experience. While the symptoms may vary, they
are all normal reactions to the trauma that has been experienced.
The survivor may feel the effects of RTS immediately after
the assault, or even weeks or months later. There are three
phases of RTS --- 1. The Acute Phase 2. The Outward Adjustment
Phase 3. The Resolution Phase). Some symptoms from Phase 2: |
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-Continuing
anxiety
- Severe mood swings
- Sense of helplessness
-Persistent fear or phobia
-Depression
-Rage
-Difficulty sleeping (nightmares, insomnia, etc.)
-Eating difficulties (nausea, vomiting, compulsive eating,
etc.)
-Denial
-Withdrawal from friends, family, activities
-Hypervigilance
-Reluctance to leave house and/or go places that remind
the individual of the assault
-Sexual problems
-Difficulty concentrating
-Flashbacks
CLICK
HERE READ DETAILS ABOUT RAPE TRAUMA SYNDROME
|
HOTLINES
(in US)
Free. Confidential. 24/7 |
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Hopeline
Suicide Hotline
800.SUICIDE
CDC
National STD & AIDS Hotline
800.227.8922
National
Domestic Violence Hotline
800.799.SAFE
National
Sexual Assault Hotline
1.800.656.HOPE
National
Youth Crisis Line
800.999.9999
SEE
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
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| TECHNIQUES
OF PARTY RAPISTS |
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(1)
Alcohol. Party rapists use alcohol or date rape drugs in
order to undermine women's ability to resist sex. Party
rapists also target drunk women because they are more likely
to blame themselves, are likely to lack credibility if they
report assaults, and may be unable to remember a night's
events clearly.
* Watch for men who pressure you to drink or seem overly
enthusiastic about getting you drunk.
* Be careful with mixed punches or "jungle juice." Their
contents and alcohol volume are often a mystery.
* Don't leave your drink unattended.
* Never leave a friend alone when she's had too much
to drink.
(2) Divide and conquer. Party rapists target women who
are alone and try to separate women from their friends.
* Make arrangements with friends to stick together and
agree on when to intervene if things look like they are
getting out of hand.
* Stay in a public place like the dance floor or seating
area, and stay out of private rooms.
(3) Disorientation. Party rapists target women who are
disoriented and try to put women in unfamiliar situations.
* Know where you are and how to get home.
* Trust your instincts. If a guy seems like a creep,
he probably is a creep. Forget about being polite to someone
who is making you feel uncomfortable.
Read
full article courtesy of Indiana University
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SEXUAL
ASSAULT AWARENESS MONTH |
April
25, 2007 |
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Welcome to a Issue #29 of The Naked Roommate Newsletter: Sexual
Assault Awareness Month (SAAM). Welcome to the final
week of 2007's Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I'd like to
start off this week's newsletter by making you aware that
people who commit sexual assault are some of the weakest and
most insecure people on the planet. Too often, they're given
too much power, but really, they are just violent criminals
in need of help. The true power belongs with the survivors
and the men and women who respect the word, "NO." The next
thing I'd like to make you aware of are some stats - approximately
1 of 6 American women and 1 of 33 men have been victims of
rape or attempted rape. Approximately 80 percent of these
people knew their attackers. We also know that sexual assault
is not as much about sex as it is about control. One of my
contributions to SAAM is to raise awareness about what the
attackers are trying to control. Speaking of contributions,
if you have a few bucks and want to donate to an amazing cause
(I know "Idol Cares" was last night. Please tell me you didn't
give it all away), give to RAINN
. Each dollar donated to RAINN this month will be matched
up to $25,000. The Rape And Incest National Network is an
invaluable organization that offers a 24 hour confidential
hotline, online support, and resources at www.RAINN.org. If
you don't have cash to give, consider
giving your time to RAINN or to a local organization on
campus or in your community that can support survivors, raise
awareness, and protect others from sexual assault. It's all
preventable and it starts with students taking action.
A few naked notes - there are only two more issues left
of The Naked Roommate Newsletter this spring. Next week
I'm looking for your summer internship/job stories. The
final week will be dedicated to what you never expected
to learn about yourself this year in college. As always,
I'm always up for being your Facebook
friend and
MySpace Friend and having you as part of The
Naked Roommate Facebook Group.
NEXT
WEEK's TOPIC: SUMMER JOB/INTERNSHIPS. What's your summer
job or internship? How did you get it? What will you do?
What are most excited about? What are most concerned about?
Share
ALL the details! Sending stories means that you grant
Harlan permission to use your stories in The Naked Roommate
Newsletter, online, in books, and anywhere else Harlan's
writing appears.
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SEXUAL
ASSAULT
THE STORY:
I was a freshman in high school and I met a guy in my driver
training class. He seemed really sweet and I was extremely
excited because this would have been my first boyfriend.
I decided to sneak out one night to hang out with him (I
knew my mom wouldn't let me go). We started off at his friend's
house and he was drinking. At this point in my life I didn't
drink, so I was sober. He wanted to go back to his house
so he could get some sleep before he took me home and I
thought this would be ok. When we got there, he grabbed
me and pushed me down to the bed. I tried to stop him but
he was stronger than I was and he told me than I had to
be quiet because we couldn't wake up his parents. From here,
I do not remember anything else but the horrific amount
of pain. This is how my virginity was taken from me. After
he was done he just fell asleep. I just cried the whole
night. Later the next day he brought me home, but by that
time my parents found out I had snuck out. When I got home
my parents did not even ask if I was ok or anything, they
just started yelling at me. I felt they didn't care. The
next day at school I told my best friend and she said I
had deserved it because I snuck out. I was hurt and scared
and had no one to go to. I tried to convince myself that
the guy loved me and that is why he did this but about a
week later I found out he was already having sex with another
girl. The recovery process has been hard and lonely. Immediately
after the rape, I worked out excessively- working out seemed
to keep my mind off of it. Also a lot of the work out was
running- I was trying to run away from everything. Now,
five years later, I hardly think of the event. I still blame
myself for it, but I am working on not doing that. I have
joined a group on campus called SAPA (Sexual Aggression
Peer Advocates). We have a crisis line to support and give
out information for sexual assault survivors. This is the
first time I have ever shared this since I told my best
friend. Thank you!
- Anonymous College Student
NOTE FROM HARLAN: There's only person to blame, one person
who should feel shame, and one person responsible for the
rape - AND THAT'S THE RAPIST.
THE STORY:
I accidentally drank too much and blacked out one night
and went really far with someone. For the most part, I don't
remember what happened, but I know it went way too far.
I woke up the next morning and panicked because I couldn't
remember what had happened. I apparently went up to the
guy at a dance party and then danced with him and ended
up going to a separate room with him. The guy was a friend.
The greatest lesson I learned was to not to drink more than
I could handle and to ALWAYS drink with someone I trust
(you really can't trust anyone in college). And ALWAYS look
out for your friends. If you see that they are too drunk,
don't let them go hook up with someone EVEN if they tell
you they want to or are not that drunk...they ARE. The whole
situation took me a couple months to recover from. The scare
of the morning after was not something I want to experience
ever again. My advice to other survivors - don't trust guy
friends that you don't know extremely well. And never be
left alone!
- Anonymous College Student
THE STORY:
When I was in middle school, one of my best friend's older
brothers would slap my butt every day on the bus to and
from school. People would see and laugh and not do anything.
At first I was too afraid to say anything at all, and didn't
really know what to do. After awhile I realized he shouldn't
be doing this, and told him to stop. He laughed and didn't
stop. I never did tell anyone else, and I honestly don't
remember how/when it stopped. I was always uncomfortable
with the situation, but I had no knowledge of sexual assault,
so I did nothing. Now, I realize I should have done more,
and the situation has made me realize that nobody should
ever have to feel uncomfortable like this, and these kinds
of things should stop.
- Anonymous College Student
THE STORY:
It was about 7:30 on a Wednesday night when I had just left
a meeting at the Humane Society. I was waiting at the bus
stop to hitch a ride back to campus. I usually feel safe
by myself at night, but for some reason, this night was
different. While waiting, I noticed a young man approaching
me. Although I was a little nervous, I assumed he was just
another student, possibly leaving the meeting I was just
at. I ignored him until he came a little closer. I glanced
up and noticed he had a strange smirk on his face. I began
to turn away when I quite unfortunately looked down towards
his pants. He was exposing his genitals, flashing me. In
utter shock and disgust I quickly turned away exclaiming,
"Oh my God!!" About a second later, the bus I had been waiting
for pulled up and the young man ran away. I dashed onto
the bus and told the driver what happened. He advised that
I call the police and I did just that. After this disturbing
incident I needed answers. Why would anyone want to disgust
me like that? What would possess someone to participate
in such an act? Through some research I now feel that I
have found many answers to my questions. I found that the
young man did have a problem; it is called exhibitionism.
I now know that I do need to watch out for myself more.
I am very vulnerable and I need to do everything I can to
not be alone at night. Although my experience was not a
pleasant one, I learned from it, took action to get answers
to my questions, and figured out why people would exhibit
themselves to a complete stranger. My recovery process was
to tell as many people as I could and get the word out.
I didn't want this to happen to anyone else. It also helped
to call the cops and to write a paper about my experience.
- Anonymous College Student
THE STORY:
>From a residence hall staff position, I would say there
are three things every rape survivor should hear: "I'm sorry,"
"It's not your fault" and "Tell someone." Unfortunately,
rape is prevalent on college campuses. If you or a friend
ever has to deal with this traumatic event, tell someone:
your RA, your hall director, a counselor, the police. Healing
begins the minute you tell someone (I promise). College
campuses have so many resources to offer survivors, everything
from 24-hour staff on call in residence halls to counseling
centers, health centers, and the Deans in the Student Life
office. You don't need to press charges, you don't need
to make any choices you are not comfortable with, but telling
one of those people is going to help you heal in the long
run. It takes a great deal of courage and strength to survive
and heal from rape, and it takes a great deal of courage
and strength to tell someone you are a survivor. As Audre
Lorde once said, "Your silence will not protect you." Protect
yourself, protect your friends, and speak up!"
- Res Life Professional
SHARE
YOUR SEXUAL ASSAULT STORIES HERE |
|
THE
NAKED BLOG
Exposing
It All, Hiding Nothing
BY HARLAN COHEN, AUTHOR OF THE NAKED ROOMMATE
Honoring
Sexual Assault Awareness Month
In
honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, I want to start this
blog off by making everyone aware that attackers are insecure
and weak criminals. I assume you're also aware that sexual
assault is more about control than it is about sex. It's what
the attackers are trying to control that I find most revealing.
Basically, the perpetrator of sex crimes are people who
can't take NO for an answer. Why they don't take no for
an answer is part of a deep-seated problem that the attackers
need to discover, but in short, they refuse to get rejected.
All they care about is avoiding rejection and their own
emotional issues. As I've mentioned before (maybe ad nauseum),
there is a truth in nature called The Universal Rejection
Truth. The URT says that NOT everyone we desire will always
desire us. But the attackers can NOT give anyone permission
to say no. Not being able to face rejection is anything
but strong. Attacking someone and forcing that person to
have sex is not about power, it's about weakness. So, just
so you can be aware, attackers are weak and insecure. PLEASE
DO NOT give them power. PLEASE DO NOT allow them to make
you feel ashamed for their actions. They only pretend to
be powerful to hide their weaknesses and deep insecurities.
I mention this again because too many times the attackers
appear to have the power, but in reality, it's all just
a big illusion.
THE ONLY PERSON TO BLAME FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT OR RAPE
IS THE PERSON COMMITTING THE SEXUAL ASSAULT OR RAPE. IT'S
100 PERCENT NEVER THE SURVIVOR'S FAULT.
TO THE SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT (and future survivors):
You hold all the power. They will fight hard to give the
illusion of power. They will alienate, manipulate, and do
whatever it takes to hide the truth. If you're a survivor,
turn to people who can help and support you. Call a crisis
line on campus, a local hospital, or the RAINN
crisis hotline (800) 656-HOPE. If you have been raped, get
examined at a hospital. Getting examined gives you the more
legal options and irrefutable power. If your friends do
not support you, find new friends (there are so many support
groups out there). Do not suffer in silence. The world is
filled with people who will support you and help you. Express
yourself. Shame belongs with the perpetrator. You are a
survivor, not a victim. For those who have never been sexually
assaulted, DO NOT give anyone the benefit of the doubt.
When going to parties, stay in groups, don't take open drinks,
don't go into rooms alone with people you don't know well,
don't allow your friends to go in rooms with people they
don't know, don't drink too much, and make sure everyone
who arrives together leaves together. Assume that there
is someone who is too insecure and too uncomfortable to
take NO for an answer. Also, consider taking a self- defense
course -- a swift kick to the groin and gouging of the eyes
can be effective.
TO THOSE WHO COMMIT SEXUAL ASSAULT:
Please get help and deal with the problems at the core.
Unless someone consents to having sex with you, it's NOT
consensual. It's called rape. If someone passes out, drinks
too much, or gets too high to speak, having sex with that
person is also called rape. Get help before you go to prison,
get labeled as a sex offender, and scar someone's life forever.
Strength isn't forcing someone to have sex - it's forcing
yourself to get help.
SHARE
YOUR COMMENTS IN THE NAKED BLOG HERE
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ADVICE
FROM A MAN...
Rape
Survivor Needs To Put Shame Where It Belongs - With The
Rapists
Dear
Harlan,
I'm not really sure how to say any of this, but I was
raped by two guys in October of 2005 and have just recently
told a friend about it. I feel like she is now mad at me.
I have nightmares about this every night because it was
so violent. I can't stop thinking about what I could have
done differently. I just wish that I would have been killed,
because I can't seem to get past this. I tried to talk to
my friend, and it always seems like she doesn't want to
hear it. I can understand in a way, but in another way,
if it were her I would totally be there, no matter what.
Anyway, I keep calling the RAINN hotline and hanging up
because I am scared. I don't know what to say. I feel so
stupid and ashamed. I don't know what to do.
J
Dear J,
You are a survivor. YOU have NOTHING to feel ashamed or
stupid about. The guys who raped you carry ALL THE SHAME
and stupidity. They should be scared, confused, upset, and
every other emotion you've felt in the past months. Anyone
who says otherwise is someone you should avoid. I mean it.
They are totally wrong. There is a community of survivors
and experts who can help you put the shame back where it
belongs: with the men who raped you. I can't even begin
to understand the pain and confusion you must feel, but
the people who will help you know it (many are survivors).
Allow them to help you move forward and to move beyond this
nightmare. Make the call to RAINN (1-800-656-HOPE). Write
down what you want to say. When a counselor answers, read
it. If you can't read, just cry, BUT don't hang up. When
you catch your breath, stay on the line. Then begin speaking
and begin the healing.
GOT
BETTER ADVICE? CLICK HERE |
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BIO: Harlan Cohen
Harlan
Cohen was born naked. He grew up clothed in the suburbs
of Chicago. Once in college, he got dumped by his high school
long distance girlfriend, he didn't get into the fraternity
he had been rushing, and he didn't find his place in college.
Years later, he found that he wasn't the only one. And that's
why he writes about college life. Harlan is also a syndicated
advice columnist, singer/songwriter, speaker, the founder
of Rejection Awareness Week and Chairman of The International
Rejection/Risk-Taking Project. Harlan can be found online
at
helpmeharlan.com,
TheNakedRoommate.com, on Facebook,
and at
MySpace.
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