Welcome to Issue #28 of The Naked Roommate Newsletter: TRANFERRING NAKED. According to ACT, Inc. approximately 1 in 4 students DO NOT return to the same college their sophomore year. The numbers vary based on the type of college (public institutions have higher transfer rates than private institutions), but there are millions of students on the brink of transferring. Each student has a different reason for fleeing. Some do it to explore opportunities, some to explore a significant other, some to be closer to family, and some do it because students at The University of Iowa started a Facebook Group (don't do it Andrew). This week, I want to expose transferring in an effort to help transferring students make a smooth transition and help those starting college next fall to make the best decision so they don’t need to transfer. As a transfer student, I’m familiar with the entire process, and honestly, it’s a huge pain in the ass. You can lose credits, lose friends, and lose yourself in the process. Yes, there can be huge perks, but only if you’re transferring for the right reasons. Like bad breath, sometimes the problem isn't college, it's something within ourselves. As always, I invite you to be my Facebook friend and to join The Naked Roommate Facebook Group.

PLEASE NOTE - Next week's topic is about Sexual Assault. If you have yet to share a story, please let this be the week you share. If you do not want me to include your year in school or college, I'm happy to leave it off to ensure total anonymity for the next issue.

NEXT WEEK’s TOPIC: SEXUAL ASSAULT. Have you or a friend been sexually assaulted? If so, what happened (share all the details)? What's the GREATEST lesson you've learned from this experience? What advice would you give to other survivors? Share ALL the details! Sending stories means that you grant Harlan permission to use your stories in The Naked Roommate Newsletter, online, in books, and anywhere else Harlan's writing appears.

THE STORY:
I transferred to UNC Chapel Hill from the University of Georgia after my freshman year. I wanted to go to UNC out of high school, but I was waitlisted and then didn't get in, so I had to go to UGA for a year. My first year at UGA was tough personally, and I couldn't wait to leave. I was so thrilled when I learned that I had been accepted as a transfer student at UNC. I am very happy with my decision to transfer here because I feel that it is a better fit for me--academically as well as the atmosphere. The biggest challenge has been adapting to a new college experience because each college is different and has a different way of doing things. Also, being a transfer student can be tough in that you are trying to find your niche/your place in college without the benefit of spending all four years at one institution. What I have learned that I wish I knew before transferring is that the Dave Matthews Band lyrics, "Turns out not where but who you're with that really matters" are true. People transfer for different reasons, whether they be academic or personal. Yet, going to a new college isn't a cure-all. Of course transferring to a college that you really want to go to helps, but it's up to you to make the most of your college experience, no matter where you are. Meeting new people and learning your way around AGAIN can be hard, but it's important to get involved, make new friends, and make the most out of the rest of your college years.

TRANSFERRING NAKED

Her name was Madison. She was so hot when I met her. Months later, she turned ice cold. I met her in the spring of my senior year in high school. She was liberal, artistic, and bright. I liked her mind and her curves. After spending a wild night with her, I was convinced she was the one for me. The next fall, I moved to be closer to her. That’s when she surprised me. I felt like an outsider. I sensed I didn’t belong. I began to lose my confidence. I forgot who I was. I got impatient. I was lost. My eyes started to wander. I longed for familiarity. After eight months of highs and lows, I ended it. It wasn’t her, it was me. I transferred.

I never thought I would transfer from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. It’s an amazing school. I still love Madison. Yet, I had to go where I could feel more comfortable. Both of my brothers had gone to Indiana University and I had been visiting Bloomington since I was 10 years old. I had a couple of friends I knew from high school at IU. Once I arrived at my new campus, I experienced a second freshman year. A couple months into it, I realized an aspect of college life never exposed in the brochures, online, or in the admission literature – college can be lonely, difficult, and hard at times. It’s about 90 percent amazing, but 10 percent difficult. And unless I got comfortable with the 10 percent that’s uncomfortable, it would take up 100 percent of my time like it did while I was in Madison. Basically, every college is naturally uncomfortable at times. It’s pretty much unavoidable and largely kept a secret. Had I known, I think I could have gone all the way with Madison.

I’m all for transferring because of changing majors, medical conditions, size of the school, family reasons, financial reasons, or even for comfort level – BUT BEWARE – no matter where you go, it’s a transition that takes time and work. Transferring isn’t a solution unless you know the problem and have a plan for how to solve the problem. The reality is that finding your place in college takes more than a semester, more than one year, sometimes more than two years. I’m not discouraging transferring, I’m just encouraging anyone who transfers to know exactly why they are doing it and why the next school will be different. Otherwise, you just risk transferring the same problems to a new school or hiding problems that need to be addressed (depression, eating disorders, etc.)

If you are someone who is transferring to a place that’s in your comfort zone, be careful not to get too comfortable. That’s not what college is supposed to be about. For example, if you’re moving to be closer to your boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t live with him or her. Live in a residence hall or apartment with people you don’t know that well. The same goes for people transferring to be closer to friends from high school. Don’t just hang out with those friends when you get to campus. Get involved in clubs, activities, and organizations with people you don’t know. Build in uncomfortable experiences. That’s what I did when I got to IU - but having a sense of familiarity made it easier to navigate the uncomfortable because I had a secure foundation. College isn’t supposed to be a comfortable experience all the time. In fact, it’s the most uncomfortable times that teach us the most about ourselves and the people around us.

So to those who are in the midst of contemplating a transfer, know why you’re doing it and make sure you don’t get too comfortable. And for those who aren’t so sure why they’re transferring, beware. Like a bad rash, the problem sticks to you when you happen to be the problem. For me, it wasn’t Madison - it was me. And I knew it.

Dear Harlan,

I'm a 20-year-old, second-year college student wondering whether or not to transfer. My school is extremely well-suited for my major; however, the male- to-female ratio is around 3-to-1. I feel that even if I were to find a woman whom I am interested in, the odds of her being single and interested are very slim. My girlfriend recently broke up with me, and I was alone for a year and a half prior to that relationship. I've only had two relationships (together totaling five months). I have always taken my personal life seriously, but feel that I have been wasting it in favor of my professional life. I am worried about waking up alone at 23, never having experienced a significant relationship. Is this reason enough to transfer schools?