WELCOME TO THE SECOND ISSUE OF THE NAKED ROOMMATE NEWSLETTER. Before disrobing this week’s issue, I want to thank all of you who joined my new Facebook Group (“The Naked Roommate”). I also want to invite those of you who are not yet members to join the group. If you don’t have access to Facebook, you can be my MySpace friend. Facebook and MySpace are being used to keep readers abreast of topics being worked on for upcoming naked issues. If possible, please invite your friends and family to sign up for the newsletter and the user groups. The more people participating in the nakedness, the more powerful this forum will become. The goal is ONE MILLION VOICES in ONE MILLION DAYS (but hopefully sooner).

With that, I welcome you to The Roommate Issue. For our entire lives we’re told stranger is danger, then we’re forced to live with one or multiple strangers. For most roommates, sharing a room is a new experience. There are new smells, new sights, and new sounds — some welcome, others not. Things an individual used to do alone are now things done in front of, on top of, to the side of, or in the presence of someone else. Private conversations are no longer private. Secrets are no longer secret. Personal lives are no longer personal. Naturally, things can get a bit uncomfortable.

In this issue, we celebrate the sights, sounds, and smells of living with a total stranger. As always, I invite you to share your roommate stories, and please, make sure to include all the graphic details (no names please) as part of The Naked Roommate Forums.

THE STORY: I never expected a girl I only spoke to maybe three times to walk into my room and get butt naked and pee all over my floor. My RA and I had to pick her up by her hands and feet and put her in her bed. The next day, I saw her in the bathroom and I was looking at her like, "Don’t you have something to say?" She had no idea she urinated on my floor hours earlier.

THE STORY: I lived in a 10 person (5 girl, 5 guy) suite my freshman year. The guys living with us thought it would be “cool” to rev a motorcycle inside the room. Not only were we worried about breathing in the toxic fumes and annoyed by the loud noise, they were doing this in a room filled with mostly empty alcohol bottles. When we asked them, nicely, to not be stupid asses they ignored us and locked themselves in the bathroom, continuing to rev the bike. We could hear them laughing and smacking each other, calling each other names. Finally, word leaked out to our CSA (also known as an RA) who stopped by the room to respond to our claims. The interaction went something like this -- CSA knocks on the door and says, “We’ve heard rumors that there’s a motorcycle in one of the dorm rooms on campus. Are you aware of this motorcycle?” The boy replies, “No. But if we see one, we’ll be sure to let you know." The CSA answers, “Thanks.” The boys under fear of capture and confiscation took the bike outside, but continue to blame the girls who ratted them out, threatening to bring the bike back in the room.

THE STORY: I walked into my room and got into bed. When a girl in the bed asked what I was doing, I realized it wasn’t my room. That’s when I left. The next day, I found her and apologized - I felt bad. I’m the reason why female students living in the residence halls are told to lock their doors.

THE STORY: It was a normal morning after a normal night out at the bars. We lived off campus and were a little hung over. We were getting ready to go out and get bagels when my good friend knocked on our roommate’s bedroom door. She then started screaming. We knew something was very wrong. We ran into the room and it was obvious, our roommate was dead. The rest is just a blur. We think she died of alcohol and a reaction to medication she was taking. Her parents never told us exactly what it was. To this day, I’m not really sure how it affected me It’s still a shock.

THE STORY: When you first meet her she appears so sweet and innocent. But whenever we turn a corner, there she is, bent over mooning us. She acts as if nothing happened and then just laughs.

THE ROOMMATE HONEYMOON IS ALMOST OVER

As September rolls into October, millions of honeymoons will end. Roommates who once lived together in bliss will break up. Fights will erupt. Names will be called. Silent treatments will start. And unfortunately, thousands of shoes in closets might get peed in (as payback). But this all can be avoided. The honeymoon doesn’t have to end.

In case you’re not familiar with the roommate honeymoon, it’s the initial time period of unconditional love when roommates can do no wrong. A roommate could talk on the phone all night, have sex on another roommate’s bed, borrow clothing, fart, burp, download porn, drink, smoke up, and party in the room with random people, and most new roommates will say nothing – at least to their roommate. Instead, they will complain to friends, family, and even strangers. They will send texts, write email, and launch a “Why My Roommate Sucks” blog. But tell the roommate? Forget it. As the weeks pass and roommates find friends outside the room, being kind and courteous to a roommate from hell matters less and less. No longer needing the roommate to be a friend and having friends outside the room make it easier to be honest. And that’s when the venom spills. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Confrontations can be conversations.

How, you ask? For this to happen, a precedent must be set early on in the roommate relationship. Each roommate must agree that if something makes the other uncomfortable, that roommate will share the problem before it becomes a bigger problem. When a situation comes up, rather than telling everyone but the roommate, the problem must be addressed. Roommates have to agree not to be defensive, but rather, to listen and thank each other for being honest enough to adhere to the rules. Keeping this in mind, when a problem arises, it’s essential to be clear about the problem. No dancing around the issues in the name of kindness. For example, if your roommate is having sex in the room while you’re sleeping and you don’t want to listen or watch (as a roommate in the same room, you do have a right to watch), don’t just tell your roommate, “So, I heard you last night and it was weird.” Instead say exactly what happened and how you feel about it. For example, “Last night made me extremely uncomfortable. You see, it makes me uncomfortable to listen to you have sex on top of my head (assuming it was on the top bunk). Please do not have sex on top of my head next time. Thanks, roommie!”

Assuming a precedent has been set; your roommate will respect your feelings and work out a system to avert further uncomfortable times. As a rule, roommates who want to get along will get along. And to get along, you have to be comfortable talking about what makes you uncomfortable, something few roommates are comfortable doing.

Dear Harlan,

I am a junior in college, living with three friends in a three-bedroom house. The roommate I live with smokes a lot and is addicted to pot. If it were my own decision, I would not live with her next year, even though I consider her a nice friend. I'd rather have my own room and live with my other two roommates. My pot-smoking roommate also has a tendency to drink and drive. I have told her how much this bothers me, yet she doesn't listen. Should I continue to tell her my feelings and still live with her next year, or should I not live with her next year? I don't think my other roommates have issue with this. I feel kind of alone.

CK

Dear CK,

Why live with her? So you have something to talk about for another year?

It's time to talk to your roommate and tell her that you want your own room. Tell her why and remind her that this isn't the first time you've talked about this. Once you talk to her, talk to the rest of your roommates together. Only then should you and your roommates approach your stoner roommie (while she's sober). Just be prepared to get no support from your roommates. They might not care that she gets drunk and high.

One more thing about her driving drunk: Next time she leaves the house or a party and you think she’s been drinking, AND she won’t let you take her keys, call the police when she takes the wheel. REPORT HER. You'd be doing her and the people she might kill a favor.