|
| OUR
VALUED SPONSORS |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| HARLAN'S
2006 MOST RECENT TOUR DATES (now booking for Spring '07) |
|
-
UT-Dallas
- Ball State U.
- TCU
- Marietta College
- Pittsburg St. U
- U of Tulsa
- S.E. MO State U
- Eastern IL U
- James Madison U
- George Mason U
- Franklin College
- Manchester College
- Miami of Ohio
-Kutztown U
- Roger Williams U
- Lake Forest College
- Sonoma State U
- U of The Pacific
- DePaul U.
- Northwestern U
- U of Miami
- U of Toledo
- Emporia St. U
- Northern IL U
- Francis Marion University
- Central Michigan University
- New Trier HS Parents' Event
- Johnson & Wales
- UT-Arlington
- UT-Dallas
WANT
TO BRING HARLAN TO CAMPUS? CLICK HERE
|
| FOUR
BIG QUESTIONS EVERY BIG STUPID DRUNK SHOULD ASK HIMSELF
OR HERSELF |
|
What
Are the Signs of an Alcohol Problem? (from the NIAAA website)
Answering the following four questions can help you
find out:
Have
you ever felt you should cut down on your drinking?
Have
people annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?
Have
you ever felt bad or guilty about your drinking?
Have
you ever had a drink first thing in the morning (as an
"eye opener") to steady your nerves or get rid of a hangover?
One
"yes" answer suggests a possible alcohol problem. If you
answered "yes" to more than one question, it is highly
likely that a problem exists.
LINK
TO ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS:
|
HOTLINES
(in US)
Free. Confidential. 24/7 |
|
Hopeline
Suicide Hotline
800.SUICIDE
CDC
National STD & AIDS Hotline
800.227.8922
National
Domestic Violence Hotline
800.799.SAFE
National
Sexual Assault Hotline
1.800.656.HOPE
National
Youth Crisis Line
800.999.9999
SEE
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
|
|
STUPID
DRUNKS:
20O7 NEW YEAR'S EDITION |
January
9, 2007 |
|
|
Welcome to Issue #14 of The Naked Roommate Newsletter: Stupid
Drunks — the first issue of 2007. HAPPY NEW YEAR naked
readers! If you haven't stopped drinking since bringing
in the New Year, you might have a drinking problem. If you're
unable to scroll down on this page because you have a drink
in both hands, you might have a drinking problem. If you’re
reading this from prison on the inmate computer (as a result
of getting arrested for a drinking related offense), you
definitely have a drinking problem. Whether you’ve been
a stupid drunk or been the victim of a stupid drunk, I hope
you enjoy the stupid drunk issue.
As always, you're encouraged to continue to spread the
nakedness via The
Naked Roommate Facebook Group, TheNaked
Roommate.com, and by
forwarding The Naked Newsletter.
NEXT
ISSUE: REJECTION AWARENESS - How have YOU been rejected?
Romantically? Socially? Academically? Where did the rejection
happen? How did it happen? What happened after the rejection
happened? Share all the details as we prepare for Rejection
Awareness Week '07 . Only your college and year in
school will be included. If you want to remain anonymous,
just let me know when submitting your stories. Sending
your stories means that you grant Harlan permission
to use your stories in The Naked Roommate Newsletter,
online, in books, and anywhere else Harlan's writing appears.
|
|
STUPID
DRUNKS
THE STORY:
It was New Year's Eve and I was in downtown Rochester,
New York with about six of my girl friends. This was about
3am and my friend Shannon’s favorite part of going downtown
is getting a hot dog from the hot dog stands. So, sure
enough I went with her to the hot dog stand and I got
a hot dog because I was drunk (but I didn’t even want
it).
So we start walking away and I took one bite of the
dog and someone knocked it out of my hand. So I was yelling
to Shannon (she was way ahead of me) to tell her what
happened. When she finally could hear me she was REALLY
concerned and wanted to get me a new hot dog, even though
I didn’t want another one. So Shannon is power walking
back to the hot dog stand. I’m following behind her yelling
"Shannon don’t worry about it, I don’t want one." So she
asked the hot dog guy if I could have another one because
I only got one bite out of mine before it was knocked
out of my hand. The hot dog guy was being rude and mean
for no reason, so I began to care about getting a new
hot dog only because of his attitude that he was giving
us. So I said, “Fine! You won't give me another hot dog
then I’ll take your ketchup!" next thing I knew I was
running down the street with my arms full with two ketchup
bottles and one hot sauce bottle and I looked back and
the guy left his hot dog stand (and he had a long line
of people) and started sprinting after me. The people
in the line were chanting me on. Then I ended up on the
sidewalk. He almost trampled on top of me. So I started
squirting him in the face with all the condiments and
Shannon kicked him on the side trying to get him away
from me. I don’t remember much from that point on, until
we got into the next bar. The next morning I looked at
the outfit I was wearing the night before and found hot
sauce stains all over my clothes!
- Freshman, Niagara University
THE STORY:
I was at a party and I was underage drinking. The cops
showed up so I decided it was a good idea to hide in a
tiny closet for more than an hour and a half. The cops
searched every room and made everyone go up stairs, but
I was still in the closet. They came into the room I was
in three times, turned on the lights and looked for the
student's ID who lived in that room, but still never found
me. The cops did finally leave at about 3 a.m.. Everyone
who was underage got an MIP and the students who lived
in the apartment went to jail for the night.
- Senior, Central Michigan University
THE STORY:
I keep all my personal items, photos, wallet, watch, in
a drawer next to my bed. One night, my roommate comes
down from his loft, pulls out the drawer, then pulls down
his pants and starts pissing in the drawer. He pissed
all over my bed, pissed on me, and pissed on all my pictures.
I was so f’in pissed. I woke him up, called in the RA,
and made him clean up the mess. My pictures were ruined.
- Recent Grad, Ohio State U.
THE STORY:
It was New Year's Eve and some of the guys that I hang
out with were doing fireworks. I was hanging out with
one of my gal friends and all of a sudden the firework
that they had just lit hit me in the ear and I saw my
hair catch fire in the corner of my eye. I started freaking
out since I could smell the hair burning and I dumped
my drink on my hair. I wasn't really the stupid drunk,
but those boys were. My hair is fine for the record though,
it was just sticky and singed for the rest of the night.
- Freshman, Louisiana Tech
THE STORY:
I was in London studying abroad. There was a guy I liked
in the dorm. He was about twice my size, but I decided
to go shot for shot with him. I liked him. We were flirting.
We then went back to our dorm and I remember going to
my room to check my hair and make up. Next thing I remember
is looking in the mirror and seeing that I had half of
right front tooth! Half was missing. I went down to their
room and called my parents in hysterics (it was only 6
p.m. in the States). One of the kids' parents was a dentist
and he called his dad so we could figure out if I needed
to go to the doctor that night. Luckily for me, it was
the Tuesday before Thanksgiving so I got a flight, flew
home and went to the dentist to get a crown the next week.
I still don't know exactly how it happened, but my dentist
said I wasn't the first to have a hard time remembering.
- Grad, Northwestern University
THE STORY:
My brother got soooo drunk at a Halloween party that he
started walking down the street Jean-Claude Van Damme
style kicking mirrors off. He even messed with motorcycles
outside of a very Hell's Angel's looking bar. Finally
two girls saw him doing it and he was arrested. He's a
diabetic so he was really messed up so the cops thought
he was messing with them so they roughed him up a little.
He gets so bad they send him to the hospital and give
him drug overdose treatment. When it is discovered he's
just diabetic the cops are so embarrassed they release
him and later all charges were dropped.
- Freshman, Northeastern Illlinois
University
Share
Your Stupid Drunk Stories... |
|
THE
NAKED ROOMMATE BLOG
EXPOSING
IT ALL, HIDING NOTHING
BY HARLAN COHEN, AUTHOR OF THE NAKED ROOMMATE
Poop
In A Shoe
When
is drinking alcohol considered a problem?
Alcoholics
Anonymous and the National
Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA)
websites offer self-evaluation questions to assess your
drinking. They're good, but I think they could be better.
To help out, I’ve come across some additional warning
signs from the lives of people I’ve met over the years
and from my own personal experience. In today’s blog,
I wanted to pass these real life warning signs along to
you. AND please, feel free to share warning signs from
your own life in comment
area of the blog.
HOW TO KEEP SCORE:
Each “YES” = 1 point. Score 1 or higher and you need to
be extremely careful. If you’re too drunk to keep score,
you need to seek professional help.
YOU HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM
IF DRINKING HAS RESULTED IN YOU:
-
Taking a dump in someone’s shoes
- Urinating in someone’s dresser drawer, carpet, or on
him or her
- Waking up in the morning with a fake mustache, a shaved
head (or body part), or having any sort of body vandalism
while asleep (getting sprinkled with sugar or covered
with plastic wrap is included)
- Waking up surrounded by naked strangers while naked
(or not naked)
- Finding a tattoo on your body you don’t remember getting
- Vomiting on a friend, lover, stranger, or parents.
- Getting someone pregnant and not remembering the sex
- Getting pregnant and not remembering the sex
- Getting bitten by a dog (or biting a dog)
- Running from a hot dog vendor
- Having sex, but only knowing about it because someone
told you about it or showed you a video or pictures of
it to you on his or her computer
- Thinking you’re a virgin when you’re not (sex during
alcohol-induced blackout)
- Going to bed and discovering you’re not in your own
bed, or room
- Tipping cows and getting arrested (or not getting arrested)
- Waking up with missing teeth, cash, or shoes
- Speaking or writing racist, homophobic, or hateful words
- Attacking someone or being attacked with a sex toy
- Cheating on someone you love (or don’t love)
- Hiding in a closet, under a bed, in a hamper, or in
a car while cops search
- Falling off a balcony, window, or down stairs AND needing
medical attention
- Falling asleep outdoors or in a place where you didn’t
bring a pillow
- Getting a DUI
- Having to drink more alcohol to get drunk
- Being taken to the hospital in an ambulance (or car)
(or boat) (or scooter)
- Receiving a ticket, fine, or jail time for drinking
- Getting into a drunken fight (physical or verbally)
- Shooting someone (yes, dramatic)
- Getting shot (this only applies if you’re drunk while
shot)
- Having your parents called because of drinking offenses
- Drinking to get drunk (when you don’t want to)
- Drinking more than you plan to drink
- Drinking before class or during class
- Drinking to get rid of your shakes
- Lying, stealing, or prostituting yourself for alcohol
- Dying or almost dying from drinking
I’m
not one to tell people what to do or what not to do, but
if you’re drinking too much, (a score of 3 or more is
serious trouble) why do you drink so much? What you’ll
find is that this kind of drinking (drinking to get drunk)
is a social crutch, an emotional crutch, an addiction
or all of these things. The reason alcohol is such a part
of college life is because it helps people get comfortable
with the uncomfortable. We don’t care what other people
think —we can barely think. And that’s the allure of alcohol.
So if you want to learn something in college, figure out
how to get comfortable with the uncomfortable while sober.
Instead of drinking a bottle of wine, have a glass. Instead
of drinking a couple kegs of beer, have a couple drinks.
Instead of getting drunk, watch the drunk people. Cheers
to a New Year filled with good times and no crap in your
shoes.
HAVE
MORE WARNING SIGNS? Add Them Here...
|
|
ADVICE
FROM A MAN...
Drunken
New Year's Celebration Proves Costly
Dear
Harlan,
On New Year's Eve, I went to the house of a friend who
we'll call "Derek." At his house, we celebrated the coming
New Year by having some alcoholic drinks. Unfortunately,
I drank a little too much and ended up getting sick.
My friend took me back to my house, where I passed out.
In the morning she called and said that I had left my
bag at "Derek's" and he had brought it over to her house.
When I got my purse the $50.00 I had in my wallet was
missing, and nothing else. I called "Derek" asking him
to look around and ask around for the money. He said he
found nothing, but that he'll "pay me the money out of
his own pocket." He feels badly and thinks "whoever took
it will most likely not come forward." I don't know what
to believe, but I feel very guilty for the entire situation
and don't know where to turn. Should I accept his money?
Should I just deal?
New Year's Dilemma
Dear New Year's Dilemma,
Call it a $50 New Year's party and feel lucky. You don't
know who took the money and it's not really important
at this point. What's more important is that you don't
get so drunk that you pass out and lose things. Next time,
you might find yourself concerned over something much
more serious than money. Just deal. It's a small price
to pay.
GOT
BETTER ADVICE??? CLICK HERE...
|
|
|
|
BIO: Harlan Cohen
Harlan
Cohen was born naked. He grew up clothed in the suburbs
of Chicago. Once in college, he got dumped by his high
school long distance girlfriend, he didn't get into the
fraternity he had been rushing, and he didn't find his
place in college. Years later, he found that he wasn't
the only one. And that's why he writes about college life.
Harlan is also a syndicated advice columnist, singer/songwriter,
speaker, the founder of Rejection Awareness Week and Chairman
of The International Rejection/Risk-Taking Project. Harlan
can be found online at
helpmeharlan.com,
TheNakedRoommate.com, on Facebook,
and at
MySpace.
|
|
|
