Welcome to Issue #11 of The Naked Roommate Newsletter - THANKSGIVING: Time to Give Thanks. Thank you for opening this email. Thank you for reading this newsletter. Thank you for reading the past three sentences. Thank you for signaling when changing lanes. Thank you for bathing regularly. Thank you for recycling. Thank you for saying thank you. Thank you for smiling. Thank you for flushing. Thank you for blessing me when I sneeze. Thank you for being so kind. Thank you for caring. Thank you for not expelling gas when in crowded public spaces. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being there for your friends. Thank you for joining The Naked Roommate Facegroup. Thank you for sharing this newsletter with the world. It’s Thanksgiving. Give thanks.

NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE: THE BEST JOB YOU'VE EVER HAD OVER BREAK. What’s the best job you’ve EVER had over winter break? How much did you make? Why was THIS the best job ever? Only your college and year in school will be included. If you want to remain anonymous, just let me know when submitting your stories. Sending your stories means that you grant Harlan permission to use your stories in The Naked Roommate Newsletter, online, in books, and anywhere else Harlan's writing appears.

THE STORY:
My first break at home turned into a competition of who had the best drunk stories. It became obnoxious very fast. I had to sit around and listen to my friends tell stories of blacking out, followed by another story by another friend who tried to think of a better story that they had. Not my idea of catching up.

THANKSGIVING @ HOME SURVIVAL TIPS

The baristas are wearing red and filling holiday cups with fresh brew. The checkout clerks at Wal-Mart are wrapping checkout signs with green paper and bows. The salvation Army is shaking their stuff and ringing their bells. The holidays are here and with it comes family, food, friends, forks, and more. And yes, 'tis the season for stress— it’s so bad this time of year that the National Mental Health Association lists tips to help us manage the holidays. Since I’m in the business of health, I figured I might add my own best tips:

- Think of the holiday season like summer, only it’s colder, redder, and there isn’t as much sunlight (assuming you live in the northern hemisphere). It’s just another month, but a lot more expensive.

- If you're coming home from college and your parents are control freaks, remember that they really don’t have any control over you most of the year. Control yourself and give them a few days to pretend.

- When a relative asks you if you’ve gained weight, tell that relative that you’re pregnant (even if you’re a man). Then ask if they’re pregnant.

- When your parents set a curfew, tell them, “But I don’t have a curfew at school.” When they say, “You’re not at school”, tell them that they are the best teachers in the world. So, in a way, home is like school. So there’s no reason to have a curfew.

- If your parents won’t allow you to share a room with your boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t fight it. Appreciate that not all parents like the idea of their kid having intercourse in the room next door.

- Consider attaching the fork to your wrist, like a child with mittens. There is a lot of food and it’s always good to have a utensil handy. If traveling through a metal detector, make sure it’s a plastic fork.

- If you have to liedown in bed to keep eating because sitting at the table takes too much energy, you should stop eating.

- When a fight over old issues erupts, pull out the video camera and record it. When family asked what you’re doing, say that you want to record it so that next year instead of having the fight, you can just watch it.

- If your parents have turned your old room into an office or workout room without having first asked you, when they’re out doing holiday shopping, turn their bedroom into an office or workout room.

- Etiquette experts say it’s not cool bring your laptop the dinner table, even if you want to share Thanksgiving with your Facebook and MySpace friends.

- Speaking of ho ho hos, before hooking up with an ex (male or female), make it clear that you don’t want any Herpes, Genital Warts, or Chlamydia as a gift this holiday season. As Santa says, always use a stocking.

- If setting up holiday decorations, make sure you don’t accidentally stick your tongue in a light bulb socket.

- If you do find that you need to drink in the morning, or you get the shakes when not drinking in the morning, or you stick your tongue in a light bulb socket while putting up decorations, extend your visit and check into an alcohol rehab facility.

- Warning: Do not smoke pot before Thanksgiving dinner to increase hunger. A student who did that and ate so much his stomach exploded. Nothing ruins the holidays like an exploding stomach on Thanksgiving.

- When sharing what you’re thankful about, don’t say, “I’m thankful I only have to be home for three days. I forgot how much this placed sucked. Please pass the cranberry sauce. Mmmm delish!”

Dear Harlan,

My only son recently left for college. We have a great relationship. He will be home for Christmas, and I feel that when he comes home he will be a different person. He will have grown and experienced many things. As much as I want to be part of his life, he will have his own. What can I expect and what are some of the best ways for us to share time when he'll be home?

It's a fact that about half of all college freshmen get homesick (according the Higher Education Research Institute). If your son is one of them, the cure is doing what he used to do at home. If he's not one, he'll still want to do what you used to do. Whatever you do together, the idea that you've accepted change and respect him as an adult will keep things from changing for the worse. It sounds so simple, but a lot of parents can't or won't do it. They fight change, alienate their kids and make visits home miserable. Take setting a curfew, for example: A kid coming home from college earns the right to having his curfew discussed. If the adult child doesn't like the curfew, a parent owes that child an explanation (out of respect). Upon hearing "Mom can't sleep at night until she hears you come home," the child understands that it's not a trust issue, but a mom's sleep issue. A parent who respects, acknowledges and accepts change can expect things to change for the better — the rest can expect short visits and change for the worse.