Welcome to Issue #10 of The Naked Roommate Newsletter - THE MANY FACES OF FACEBOOK. I don’t know how to say it, so I’ll say it fast (please read this fast to simulate fast talking) Will you by my BFFF? That’s Best Facebook Friends Forever? As my BFFF we will write on each others' walls, tag pictures, and support each others groups -- including The Naked Roommate Group and the I Karate Kick the Shit Out of Toilet Seat Handles Group (I'm not the founder of the Karate group). Those of you who are not yet on Facebook, you can now join facebook. You don’t even need a face, just a working email.

I love Facebook. I do. Putting aside the stalking factor and the judging people without ever meeting them face-to-face factor, Facebook is a dynamic community. It’s amazing how easy it is to connect with people, to find love, create political movements, publicize events, reach people of influence, become an advocate for human rights, campaign for student government, laugh, cry, and even pay tribute to a student who tragically lost his life.

The world is a better place with Facebook. But like any new tool that can make life better, in the wrong hands, it can become menacing, harmful, and self-incriminating. One example is the story of the guys at the University of Illinois who got busted for urinating in public. Then there are the stories about online safety . Then there's the student who was expelled as a result of his Facebook activity. The scariest part -- it's never been easier to create a pseudo world of fantasy, imagination, and possible stalking. Sometimes, too much information is too much to share. There's something to be said about setting your privacy preferences and not friending everyone who wants to be your friend (but we can still be friends -- I promise never to invade your privacy without you knowing).

NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE: THANKSGIVING @ HOME. What do you LOVE/HATE about being at home for the holidays? What did you NEVER expect to see, hear, or smell during Thanksgiving break? Only your college and year in school will be included. If you want to remain anonymous, just let me know when submitting your stories Sending your stories means that you grant Harlan permission to use your stories in The Naked Roommate Newsletter, online, in books, and anywhere else Harlan's writing appears.

THE STORY:
Why I hate Facebook -- Recently I got my nipples pierced (the day after my 18th birthday). I had mentioned it to one of my guy friends who lived in a different building, and went on my way. A couple days later, He slept over (to avoid having to walk back to his dorm drunk). He walked in with a boy from the other side of that hall and asked to see my piercing. I refused to show the other boy (partly because I didn't know him). He walked out and left the door open. I pulled down my shirt to show my friend without knowing the door was open, and there was yet another guy outside the door, seeing my piercing.

The next morning he friended me on Facebook. Later that day, his roommate who I'd never met had friended me. That night I had three more friend requests from the boys who surrounded the first. In two days, I became Facebook friends with every boy in my hall...all thirty of them.

SO LUCKY TO HAVE FACEBOOK

When I was in college I didn’t have Facebook. Life was different.

For example, when I wanted to find out what someone dressed up as for Halloween, I couldn’t just go to their Facebook profile and view pictures of them (why are women’s outfits so short on Halloween?). If I wanted to see a particular girl’s Halloween costume I’d have to arrange to see that girl the night of Halloween. If I missed her, I’d have to wait for her to get her pictures developed and have her share them with me. If I wanted to see the pictures without her knowing that I saw them, I would have to sneak into her room while she was sleeping or when she was out and then look through them. Another option would be to hang out at Wal-Mart in the photofinishing aisle and search through the bin of the pictures waiting to be picked up. After finding her name, I’d look through her pictures. Of course, both those scenarios are extremely creepy and one is illegal (not the Wal-Mart part), but that’s life pre-Facebook.

Assuming I found her pictures, once I secretly looked through them, I probably wouldn’t know what her relationship is to the people in the pictures. I couldn’t click the peoples’ faces and browse their profiles. I couldn’t read her wall and look for familiar faces. I couldn’t find the pieces to put a story together in my head about her, at least without her knowing. So, if I was interested in asking this girl out, I’d have to risk that she had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. And really, the only reason to look at her pictures is to see if she’s single. A world with no tagged photos means not knowing if the guy in the picture is her boyfriend, an ex, a friend, or a brother. Even if I did find out she was in a relationship, I would never know when it ended or if she got engaged because there wouldn’t be a newsfeed to read.

Without Facebook, I’d be forced to observe her to uncover the clues that could tell me what I wanted to know about her life. I’d have to see the books she was reading. I’d have to notice the clothes she was wearing. I'd have to listen to her conversations without her noticing. Talking to her would be out of the question. I’d quietly observe. I’d sit a few rows behind her and wait until there was a group project or something that would involve a conversation we’d have to have. Even if we did talk, with no access to her favorite music, favorite movies, favorite quotes, hometown, clubs, activities, organization, class schedule, or pictures there would be nothing to talk about. The only way to find out about her would be to talk to her and no way in hell would I do that. The only way to discover everything I needed to know about her would be to follow her around campus and see where she went, who she went with, and what she did. This way, I’d find out just enough information to plan an accidental encounter at a party during the weekend. Once I saw her at a party I still wouldn’t know what to say to her. And she wouldn’t know how much I liked her because I couldn’t poke her (pre-Facebook poking had an entirely different meaning).

So, after a few drinks at the party, I might find the courage to approach her. I might start off by saying something like, “Don’t we have class together?” If the was music was too loud, I’d start dancing with her. Better not to talk. Once the music quieted down, we'd look in each other's eyes and I'd make my move. After we connected, I’d tell her the funny story about how I loved the pictures of her in her Halloween costume, you know, the pictures I found while sneaking in her room after NOT finding them in the bin at Wal-Mart. Then I’d share more funny stories -- like how I watched her in class, followed her around campus, and listened to her conversations in class. She’d probably say that it was really cute that I went to so much trouble. She would then tell me to wait while she went to the bathroom to freshen up. That’s when she’d climb out the window and run like hell.

Thanks to Facebook, this horrible scenario never needs to happen. See, with Facebook, we can find out everything we want to know without anyone ever knowing that we know. And we don’t have to break laws to do it. As a “friend” or as someone in the same social network, we can just see it and read it. Today’s college students don’t know how good they have it.

Dear Harlan,

My daughter is going off to college in the fall. She recently told me about a Facebook group she joined that is about “group sex” or something like that. Should I be worried? She told me it was just a joke, but I didn’t think it was funny.