Rape
Survivor Needs To Put Shame
Where It Belongs - With The Rapists
Dear
Harlan,
I'm
not really sure how to say any of this, but I was raped by
two guys in October of 2005 and have just recently told a
friend about it. I feel like she is now mad at me. I have
nightmares about this every night because it was so violent.
I can't stop thinking about what I could have done differently.
I just wish that I would have been killed, because I can't
seem to get past this. I tried to talk to my friend, and it
always seems like she doesn't want to hear it. I can understand
in a way, but in another way, if it were her I would totally
be there, no matter what. Anyway, I keep calling the RAINN
hotline and hanging up because I am scared. I don't know what
to say. I feel so stupid and ashamed. I don't know what to
do.
J
Dear J,
You are a survivor. YOU have NOTHING to feel ashamed or stupid
about. The guys who raped you carry ALL THE SHAME and stupidity.
They should be scared, confused, upset, and every other emotion
you've felt in the past months. Anyone who says otherwise
is someone you should avoid. I mean it. They are totally wrong.
There is a community of survivors and experts who can help
you put the shame back where it belongs: with the men who
raped you. I can't even begin to understand the pain and confusion
you must feel, but the people who will help you know it (many
are survivors). Allow them to help you move forward and to
move beyond this nightmare. Make the call to RAINN (1-800-656-HOPE).
Write down what you want to say. When a counselor answers,
read it. If you can't read, just cry, BUT don't hang up. When
you catch your breath, stay on the line. Then begin speaking
and begin the healing.
