When
Adults Act Like Babies, Children
Need To Act Like Adults
Dear
Harlan,
I've never known what I really wanted to major in at college.
I've suggested things, but once I suggest them, my parents
latch on to the ideas and make anything else I suggest sound
stupid. I think it's because of the money I could possibly
make in my current major. (I recently wanted to be a psychologist
or a pharmacist.) Once I actually got to school and started
taking the courses, I realized that I HATED the thing that
I was going to have to do for the rest of my life. I mentioned
this to my parents, and that I wanted to change majors and
become a history major. I told my grandma, and she got angry
and hung up on me. My dad was so upset that he had to excuse
himself off the phone. I know it's my life and my education,
but I should be able to choose what I want to do without feeling
like this (especially since I'm paying most of everything
myself). I want to change my major, but I also don't want
my parents to hate me or be disappointed in me. Since the
phone calls, I've been really depressed and cry a lot because
I know they're disappointed and angry. Help!
Major
Problem
Dear Major Problem,
Instead of your parents (and grandma) saying what they feel,
they just stomp their feet and give you the silent treatment.
When a parent (or a grandparent) acts like an immature child,
the kid has to act like the mature adult.
They think you're making a decision that is going to ruin
your life. Maybe, if they knew what a history major could
do with a history degree, they could see that you're not doomed.
Educate your parents and map out the career path you can pursue
and the jobs available. But first, educate yourself by finding
a professor or adviser who can guide you and speak to your
families' insecurities. Once their tantrums subside, ask them
to explain to you why they're so upset. Then explain why this
change is the best decision for you and include the career
paths of previous history grads. If they still can't support
you, lean on your professors, advisers and fellow students
along the way. It might take seven years and a law degree
for your family to support you, but until then, you have to
do what YOU want to do. Being miserable to make them happy
would be miserable.
