Readers
Disagrees
Older Woman Who Gets Rejected Must
Have Chronic Problem
Dear
Harlan,
I think your advice to "Rejected" was palliative and completely
useless. A woman who is "30, smart, attractive and reasonably
well-liked" and who as been rejected over and over again may
be dealing with personality issues that should be addressed
professionally. We all deal with rejection, but if it is chronic
and there is no discernible reason for it to be happening
over and over again, there may be problems in her social interactions
that have an emotional basis. Once that is cleared up, she
may do better in attracting a meaningful relationship.
Been There
Dear Been There,
In the past 11 years of writing this column, I can tell you
two things with confidence: One, you're the first person to
use the word "palliative" (defined as "treating without curing").
Two, your letter only perpetuates the stigma that single women
feel, making them feel rejected and uncomfortable. As a man
who has also "been there," the vast majority of single people
don't need therapy, just confidence, courage and resilience.
Most are too afraid to take a risk or just too tired to take
another. There is an epidemic of attractive, engaging, balanced
and dynamic people who aren't meeting one another. It's not
because they all need therapy; it's because they need to take
more risks. You call it palliative; I call it problem-solving.
