Mom,
Don't Force Your Kid To Go
Away To College
Dear
Harlan,
I
am the mother of a very bright 16-year-old boy. He is an excellent
student, a wonderful person and the light of my life. For
as long as we've talked about college, he's always wanted
to go away to school. Both my husband and I went away to school
and think it is a valuable experience. I have no doubt that
he can get into whichever college he wants. This past spring,
we allowed our son to go out of state with a friend's family
for spring break. While away, he developed pneumonia, and
his lung collapsed. When he got home, he ended up in the hospital
for an extended period with a chest tube. The infection didn't
completely resolve, and he had to go back in for surgery and
another extended hospital stay. To say this has been traumatic
for all of us would be an understatement. Now the problem:
While he was in the hospital he said to me, "I'm never going
anywhere without you again." I figured it was just talk and
that he'd get over the feeling. Since then, he has decided
he is going to the local university and throws away all literature
that comes from any school other than the local university.
Our local university is very good and I would love to have
him close, but I don't want him to stay because he's afraid
or he thinks he can't cope without his parents. My attempts
to talk to him haven't gotten anywhere, so I'm kind of at
a loss as to whether I should push the issue or just let him
be.
Mom of "Aaron"
Dear Mom,
To force him to go away because you went away when he doesn't
want to go away is an idea you should put away. After two
hospitalizations and a trauma that's barely passed, I wouldn't
want to leave home either. There's absolutely nothing wrong
with him staying close to home. If he doesn't want to go away
for his undergrad years, don't force him. He can go for grad
school, he can study abroad or he can go on a spring break
away from home. Or, he can take part in leadership activities
that will take him away from campus. The biggest mistake would
be not to listen to him or to force him. If after a few years,
he's incapable of leaving your side, consider some professional
help. But I wouldn't count on him sticking next to your forever.
He's not ruined, just bruised.
