There
Might Be Billions of Options, But 30-Year-Old
Can't Find A Single One
Dear
Harlan,
You've mentioned that there are billions of options for everyone
when it comes to love, but realistically, exactly how many
people does one encounter on a daily basis? Not that many,
at least, not that many options. Most guys I come in contact
with, whether at work, school or socially, are either with
girlfriends or not interested in me, or I am not interested
in them, for a variety of reasons. On the rare occasion that
I am physically attracted a guy, he is with someone already
or his personality is lacking. If he has a good personality,
then he looks 10 years older than he is or has bad teeth and
a beer belly. On the rare occasion that he has both personality
and looks, then he is taken. I am 30 years old, and it seems
my options get fewer and fewer. I try to lead a full life,
both professionally and socially, but meeting a compatible
guy is exceedingly difficult.
Billions
Schmillions
Dear Billions Schmillions,
Let's compromise and say you have millions of options. If
that's too many, let's just say thousands. Some are here,
and some are there. The problem is that most people don't
talk to people here or there. In an average week, we do come
across hundreds of options. Whether it's in a coffee shop,
a mall, a store, online, on public transportation, at the
gym, in a restaurant or bar, etc., the problem is that most
of us are conditioned to be too intimidated to say what we
feel. As a result, no one says anything. The fear of being
annoying or facing rejection wins. Consequently, we are then
forced to date people we shouldn't date because of a lack
of options. But there are options.
Try this: For the next year, commit to saying what you feel
when you feel it. Take risk after risk. Make yourself available
(online, through friends, in your daily routine). Give the
world permission to not always like you AND give yourself
permission to not always like the world. Write to me along
the way. There are millions of options. It's just that after
a few tries, most people give up. For
inspiration, visit the International
Risk-Taking Project
