When
It's Too Dark To See Hope,
Remember This...
Dear
Harlan,
I'm someone who has had to battle suicidal ideation on a daily
basis as of late. I was naturally interested in your comments
on the subject. You stated that "Courage
is living and fighting through day after day, knowing that
beyond the bad is a better place."
An interesting concept, but there are times when that place
can't be seen. Its view is blocked by the cumulative effect
of years and years of pain, be it physical, mental or both.
Some can't see that life can be so painful that death can
seem the better option. Better than poverty, homelessness
and shame. Better than being under someone's thumb, than accepting
abuse - physical or verbal. Your tip about the 1-800-SUICIDE
Hotline was a good one. I called the day before I read your
article. I hope J.A.E. survives what he/she is going through.
As for me, I pray God takes me before I have to do it myself.
R.E.P.
Dear R.E.P.,
When I wrote that reply, or when I write any reply dealing
with suicide, the idea that the person writing is in such
a dark place that they're unable to see the light of hope
is a thought that's always on my mind. But just knowing that
someone cares, knowing that there are options, knowing that
there is the possibility that it can get better registers
on some level. It's a voice of reason in the darkest place.
At the core, we don't want to die. We just want to stop feeling
pain. Poverty, shame and being under someone's thumb are temporary
problems. Death is permanent. So, if there's even the smallest
chance that life can bring an end to pain, or an easing of
it, that's enough to go on. The voice in the following letter
is just one of countless survivors able to look at the darkest
days of the past using the light from a day that seemed to
be forever away. As for you, I pray you find that place and
people who can guide you.
***********************
To
J.A.E., Perplexed and other teens contemplating suicide: I've
been there too, and I know how it can feel like a deep, dark
hole we'll never get out of. We also feel that if we die,
then everyone will finally miss us and think about us and
feel guilty because they didn't love us enough before. It
feels horrible, but I guarantee you - it will go away, just
hang in there!
Life is not easy, I know, but we can't just quit! We can't
know of all the surprises that await us at the next corner.
Believe me, life can change in a second! Even though you feel
[terrible] today and think it will never get better, I'm telling
you that it WILL. If you get off the bus today, you'll be
missing all the great places that are just ahead! Like Harlan
said, it takes courage, so gather all your courage, all the
strength you have hidden somewhere, and go forward! If you
need help, get it! Relatives, friends, counselors, pets, even
strangers like me, whoever - just face the pain, work through
it, and you'll win! I did therapy, lots of reading, helped
other people (it helps you get better) and climbed out of
my deep, dark hole! I don't feel desperate anymore, I know
I still have lots to do, and you do too! Make a difference
with your LIFE, not with your DEATH!
Lots
of love, V.C.
