Real
Men Don't Take Criticism Sitting Down,
They Take it Standing Up
Hi Harlan,
I'm
discovering that the man I love lacks any courage to stand
up for us when somebody hurts us. His brother hurts me with
words; his friends always interfere in our life. Sometimes,
when we go out, they make him pay for the entire bill. This
has happened more than five or six times. They call him while
we are together, and he leaves me to chat with them. We had
a fight a few days ago, because I was telling him how mad
I am because of his rude brother and the way his friends always
treat us. He defended them with all his strength, and he told
me that I am being unfair and illogical because, so far, they
have been treating us well. I'm in a bad mood and annoyed
because of his friends' actions and his cold reaction about
what has been going on. I need help. I'm desperate.
Newlywed
and Newly Troubled
Dear Newly Troubled,
Instead of pushing him around because he's not pushing back,
appreciate that he might not think he's being pushed around
by anyone other than you. If this has been going on his whole
life, it's not pushing. And that's why he was probably so
defensive. He has always paid, always had his friends involved
in his life - it's always been this way.
Speak to your feelings. Ask him to respect what you see through
your eyes, BUT ALSO respect what he sees through his. Then,
see what he can say or do to help make this more manageable.
But to question his manhood because he doesn't see things
the way you see them makes it seem like you're the only one
doing the pushing.
