Have
Faith, Harlan - Interfaith Couples
Can Find Happiness
Dear
Harlan,
I am writing to discuss a piece of advice you offered that's
been weighing heavily on my heart. A few weeks ago you responded
to a writer's
request about religion and how to make a marriage work
when people come from two different faiths. This person said
that they had the utmost happiness and love within this relationship
and that the only problem that would come into play in a marriage
between the interfaith couple would be how to raise their
children. Even to this day, your rudimentary response disheartens
me. Your basic response was that no matter how happy the relationship
is, that there is no way to ever overcome a difference in
faith. That is so absurdly untrue!
I am a 30-year-old Roman Catholic woman who married the most
wonderful Sunni Muslim ever in the world! While my husband
and I have had to work at our marriage (with deep discussions
before we took our vows), I can say that religion creates
no deeper a chasm in our life than most couples. We have prepared
for how to handle holidays, religious teachings, personal
adherence to edicts and how to raise children. But I can say
that any children born of my interfaith marriage will be more
well-rounded, open-minded and intelligent than those of relationships
that you usually give advice to where there is adultery, stealing,
emotional and physical abuse, jealousy and just plain ignorance.
Please do not begin to tell people that their love must be
cast aside purely for religious theory, as that is prejudiced
and intolerant. Please let this couple know that they have
the wonderful blessings of love and that their children will
be happy and healthy in any marriage that they bring forth!
C.K.
Dear C.K.,
I'm glad you wrote.
Can a child get baptized, have a bar mitzvah, go on a pilgrimage
to Mecca during Ramadan and come back to parents who are still
married? Sure, it's possible, but it's a rough road that only
someone on it can appreciate. You're headed down it (minus
the bar mitzvah), and I appreciate your words. I'm all for
love conquering all, but when someone writes to me and tells
me that she and her partner can't work out a compromise about
how they should raise the kids because of religion, I can't
responsibly say it will work out. Unless they can commit to
compromise and a religious identity that speaks to both of
their cultures, it's doubtful it will work.
In your own words, it takes preparation - preparing "how to
handle holidays, religious teachings, personal adherence to
edicts and how to raise children." It's possible to do it,
but the writer didn't seem able or willing. Maybe this will
give him/her the motivation to try.
