Entry
#101
REJECTION DIARY:
Clingy or Misunderstood? There's
a Huge Difference
Dear Harlan,
I have never been the clingy type, and I now find myself in a
relationship in which my fiance is extremely needy of my time.
I am a successful, divorced single mother who is very independent.
I made it very clear going into this relationship that I am not
super touchy-feely and that I like my space at times. Now that
we have gotten engaged, my fiance wants all of my time. When we
are at home just relaxing he thinks he needs to snuggle up to
me at every moment, and it's driving me crazy. I can't even go
to the other room to read a book or watch television without him
following me around or being dramatic and saying that I'm ignoring
him. He's a great man and treats me well, but he's also a bit
insecure. I have no idea how to deal with him and not have him
resent me.
Clung-to
Dear
Clung-to,
You can always get a "Do Not Disturb" necklace. When it's out
of your shirt, it means leave you alone. When it's inside, you
can be snuggled with and spoken to. I'd tell you where to get
one, but my wife has hers out, so I can't ask her.
He might not be so insecure, just unsure when you're relaxing
and when you're decompressing. Not knowing leaves him feeling
rejected when you don't return the affection. If he understood
how important decompressing is to you and how to identify when
you're decompressing, he might be able to give you space. As it
stands now, he has no clue. That's why you need to make it clear
that this isn't about him, but it's about you and your need for
balance. In addition to lovingly explaining this to him, find
times during the week for yourself. Take a yoga class. Make a
weekly beauty appointment. Take an evening bath (alone). And should
he crowd you, tell him, "Honey, I love you, I'm decompressing."
Then he'll know to leave you alone. It's almost like the necklace
idea, but far more loving.
