HARLAN CHAT
- July 27, 2001 -

CHAT DIVA: Hello!

CHAT DIVA: Hi everyone

CHAT DIVA: We're almost ready to rock and roll

CHAT DIVA: Just waiting for Harlan to get to the room

CHAT DIVA: Just remember

CHAT DIVA: use the "ask a question" box to ask your questions

HELP ME, HARLAN: Yes that's a good tip

CHAT DIVA: and feel free to sing along to the captain and tennille song of your choice :D

HELP ME, HARLAN: Diva

HELP ME, HARLAN: Hi

HELP ME, HARLAN: You wanna start?

CHAT DIVA: Let's do it

HELP ME, HARLAN: Oh man, what a day

HELP ME, HARLAN: busy stuff

HELP ME, HARLAN: Lots of things happening

HELP ME, HARLAN: good things

HELP ME, HARLAN: i'm being ambigous

HELP ME, HARLAN: but I'll let you guys know in the coming weeks

HELP ME, HARLAN: Hope you're doing well

HELP ME, HARLAN: everyone

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's been hot this week

HELP ME, HARLAN: I've sweated 4 gallons or so

HELP ME, HARLAN: I put it in little cups and save it

HELP ME, HARLAN: It's a great way to gauge the heat and humidity

HELP ME, HARLAN: 4 gallons is a hot and very humid

HELP ME, HARLAN: so hope you're well

HELP ME, HARLAN: your comments are very important to this chat

HELP ME, HARLAN: whatever is on your mind

HELP ME, HARLAN: write in

HELP ME, HARLAN: it doesn't have to be a question

HELP ME, HARLAN: eventhough it says, "ask a question"

HELP ME, HARLAN: you write in comments

HELP ME, HARLAN: oh yeah

HELP ME, HARLAN: If anyone is going to college

HELP ME, HARLAN: or thinking of going to college

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's pretty good, i hear

HELP ME, HARLAN: seriously

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's called Campus Life Exposed: advice from the inside

HELP ME, HARLAN: there's info on my website... www.helpmeharlan.com

HELP ME, HARLAN: as for this chat

HELP ME, HARLAN: the questions deal with dating and relationships, sex and no sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: pretty much NOTHING is off limits

HELP ME, HARLAN: I like to make this a forum

HELP ME, HARLAN: your thoughts, your questions... i chime in with my answers

HELP ME, HARLAN: as for me

HELP ME, HARLAN: i write a column called HELP ME, HARLAN:

HELP ME, HARLAN: it runs in about 70 college and daily newspapers

HELP ME, HARLAN: okay enough of this

HELP ME, HARLAN: please...

HELP ME, HARLAN: but one last thing

HELP ME, HARLAN: this chat (all questions submitted, too) are copyright Help Me, Harlan 2001

HELP ME, HARLAN: let's get rolling!!!

 

mcdonalds_girly: Ohh I have a problem. There's two guys that I lm friends with...I like one of them but he isn't taking me seriously...and the other one likes ME...I dont know what to do!!!

 

mcdonalds_girly: Its really conffusing...I've never actually MET them except on the computer...but they both live like an hour or two hours from where I am. So the possibility of meeting them is not totally out of the question

HELP ME, HARLAN: It's more troubliing that they are both guys from the computer

HELP ME, HARLAN: because it seems you must be spending A LOT of time on the computer with both of these guys

HELP ME, HARLAN: I just wonder why you're spending so much time looking to make friends that are so far away

HELP ME, HARLAN: seriously

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's a good question

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's summer and there are sooo many things going on

HELP ME, HARLAN: unless you live in a place where there is virtually no one around

HELP ME, HARLAN: i understand

HELP ME, HARLAN: but it seems like alot of time

HELP ME, HARLAN: and this problem

HELP ME, HARLAN: isn't really a problem if you're face to face with someone

HELP ME, HARLAN: online relationships are not totally realistic

 

mcdonalds_girly: They're friends of some people I actually KNOW...like theres a bunch of people i know and they're friends of two different people

 

mcdonalds_girly: I dont know ANYONE in the town I live in...I haven't been living here that long

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's more reason to get out and get busy

HELP ME, HARLAN: but i'll stop riding you and answer your question

HELP ME, HARLAN: if someone doesn't take you seriously.... GOOD BYE

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's that simple

HELP ME, HARLAN: and then you see if they want to take you seriously

HELP ME, HARLAN: okay

HELP ME, HARLAN: but really, i say you stay busy during the week and get involved in things going on

HELP ME, HARLAN: volunteer

HELP ME, HARLAN: get another part time jov

HELP ME, HARLAN: that's job

HELP ME, HARLAN: this way you can get to know someone face to face

HELP ME, HARLAN: and see just how seriously they take you

HELP ME, HARLAN: because it's hard to know what is serious and what is not when it's all bunch of keystrokes

HELP ME, HARLAN: and as always

HELP ME, HARLAN: any comments are welcome

HELP ME, HARLAN: :)

HELP ME, HARLAN: well save the raunchy questions for the end of the chat

CHAT DIVA: Need some advice -- Ask Harlan -- type your question in the 'ask a question' box!

 

tigerlillyus2002: i am in my young 20's and married is it wrong not to really have the lust for sex? i am attracted to my husben but my whole life i have

never really had the need for sex itself, the husben is in the navy and always gone, so it is really not a issue with him but it is to me...

HELP ME, HARLAN: Not everyone is SUPER horny

HELP ME, HARLAN: all the time...

HELP ME, HARLAN: it might seem that way in this chat]

HELP ME, HARLAN: but everyone has a different libido

HELP ME, HARLAN: but if you want to lust for sex more

HELP ME, HARLAN: this could be something physical

HELP ME, HARLAN: that is causing your decreased libido

HELP ME, HARLAN: it could be medicine your taking

HELP ME, HARLAN: it could be something else

HELP ME, HARLAN: but consult your doctor

HELP ME, HARLAN: these things can have a direct medical correlation

HELP ME, HARLAN: but if you husband doesn't mind

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you don't mind

HELP ME, HARLAN: that he doesn't mind

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's just getting comfortable with yourself

HELP ME, HARLAN: but first consult a doctor

HELP ME, HARLAN: while your husband is out at sea

HELP ME, HARLAN: if that's your wish

HELP ME, HARLAN: but one last thing

HELP ME, HARLAN: and that's most important

HELP ME, HARLAN: he loves for you

 

eamiller2001: Is Harlan a licensed psycologist or psychiatrist, if not he should not be on here, this question needs to be answered.

HELP ME, HARLAN: I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist

HELP ME, HARLAN: i've been writing and researching my column for over 7 years

HELP ME, HARLAN: i've consulted leading experts in numerous fields

HELP ME, HARLAN: addressing the same questions over and over and over again

HELP ME, HARLAN: you kind of become an expert over time

HELP ME, HARLAN: not kind of... you do

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you don't have to be a psychiatrist or a psychologist

HELP ME, HARLAN: to know that a decreased libido

HELP ME, HARLAN: may have medical roots

HELP ME, HARLAN: no doctor could do an examination online

 

hannahatthespringhouse: How do I get my female partner interested in sex toys? She always is hesitant with me and scared.

HELP ME, HARLAN: Then do not force her

HELP ME, HARLAN: leave her alone

HELP ME, HARLAN: I know i'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist

HELP ME, HARLAN: someone to take part in something that makes them uncomfortable

HELP ME, HARLAN: sexually is a great way to turn them off

HELP ME, HARLAN: i've seen in countless letters written to my column over the years

HELP ME, HARLAN: whether it's sex toys

HELP ME, HARLAN: or kinky sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: i shouldn't say "just"

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's not just oral sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's oral sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: moving forward...

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can't force someone

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can bring it up every couple months as a hypothetical

HELP ME, HARLAN: situation... but don't force it

HELP ME, HARLAN: you'll only force your partner away from you

HELP ME, HARLAN: but that doesn't mean your partner needs to love it

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's like curry

HELP ME, HARLAN: not everyone loves curry

HELP ME, HARLAN: and not everyone loves sex toys

HELP ME, HARLAN: especially sex toys with that curry flavor\

 

zedoreon: what is the best way 2 get my girlfried 2 let me give her oral sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: a related question

HELP ME, HARLAN: is that just oral sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: or oral sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: that's so not even funny

HELP ME, HARLAN: okay

HELP ME, HARLAN: she needs to be comfortable with her body

HELP ME, HARLAN: and she needs to be comfortable with you

HELP ME, HARLAN: the two don't always have direct correlation

HELP ME, HARLAN: the best thing is to take it slow

HELP ME, HARLAN: let her get to know you

HELP ME, HARLAN: and trust you

HELP ME, HARLAN: and talk about things

HELP ME, HARLAN: ask her

HELP ME, HARLAN: seriously

HELP ME, HARLAN: don't just go down and start doing if she's reluctant

HELP ME, HARLAN: she won't enjoy that

HELP ME, HARLAN: she'll be too worried thinking about who knows what

HELP ME, HARLAN: but if you let her know

HELP ME, HARLAN: how much you enjoy her and how attracted you are to her

HELP ME, HARLAN: in every way

HELP ME, HARLAN: then you can talk about it

HELP ME, HARLAN: understand

HELP ME, HARLAN: she still might not be comfortable with that

HELP ME, HARLAN: but all you can do is let her know that you totally appreciate her on every level... physically and emotionally

HELP ME, HARLAN: and one more thing

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can still get sexually transmitted disease via oral sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: so use a dental dam

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's a piece of latex you put over the vagina

CHAT DIVA: Need some advice -- Ask Harlan -- type your question in the ASK A QUESTION box!

HELP ME, HARLAN: and any girls

HELP ME, HARLAN: who have something to share about this... please send in your thoughts

HELP ME, HARLAN: even those people who are not psychologists or psychiatrists

 

publicontop: thats the thing with girls they are so emotional

HELP ME, HARLAN: something as personal and intimate as oral sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: is emotional, it's opening yourself up

HELP ME, HARLAN: literally

HELP ME, HARLAN: and figuratively

 

mcdonalds_girly: Girls arent always emotional

HELP ME, HARLAN: please, don't get so emotional :)

 

wild_angeleigh: wow a subject to enter a room on! LOL

HELP ME, HARLAN: yes we talk oral sex for hours

 

jimijimi_ca: will i ever have sex with a woman! i'm 25 yr old virgin

HELP ME, HARLAN: Yes

HELP ME, HARLAN: you will

HELP ME, HARLAN: I'm not a psychic

HELP ME, HARLAN: but you can if you really wanted

HELP ME, HARLAN: there are women who would have sex with you

HELP ME, HARLAN: you are virgin by choice

HELP ME, HARLAN: you could always pay for it if you REALLY wanted to have sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: you could also hang out at bars

HELP ME, HARLAN: and find someone who is totally sloshed and totally desperate

HELP ME, HARLAN: and then have sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: but you clearly want more

HELP ME, HARLAN: and there are women who totally respect that

HELP ME, HARLAN: they write me all the time

HELP ME, HARLAN: you just have to find them

HELP ME, HARLAN: and get out there

HELP ME, HARLAN: and eventually, you'll meet someone

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you'll start a friendship

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you grow to want something more together

HELP ME, HARLAN: so YES

HELP ME, HARLAN: I think you'll have sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: and lots of it!

 

sweet_lil_angel_stacey: Ok im 14 and i had sex with my b/f and i think i might have a STD what should i do?? Im afraid to tell my mom

HELP ME, HARLAN: Okay

HELP ME, HARLAN: you should go the doctor

HELP ME, HARLAN: you don't have to tell your mom you had sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can just tell her you have some discomfort or something

HELP ME, HARLAN: you need to have a gynecologist

HELP ME, HARLAN: if you're sexually active you NEED to have a gynecologist

HELP ME, HARLAN: because you can ask him or her all sorts of questions

 

mcdonalds_girly: Her boyfriend...or the guy she had sex with should go to the doctor too

HELP ME, HARLAN: right... i'm still answering, but yes...

 

duckfoot7: y need to tell youir mom

HELP ME, HARLAN: that's an option

HELP ME, HARLAN: you don't have to tell her everything that happened

HELP ME, HARLAN: but you NEED to see a doctor

HELP ME, HARLAN: that's essential

HELP ME, HARLAN: you could go to a clinic and do it on your own

HELP ME, HARLAN: but that's just a bad idea

HELP ME, HARLAN: it would be nice if you had a doctor you could consult

HELP ME, HARLAN: you're going to have lots of questions

HELP ME, HARLAN: but understand

HELP ME, HARLAN: some STDs that go untreated can result in infertility

HELP ME, HARLAN: and that's way more severe than anything your mom might do

CHAT DIVA: Need some advice -- Ask Harlan -- type your question in the ASK A QUESTION box!

CHAT DIVA: That's the ONLY way he'll get your questions

HELP ME, HARLAN: I say you talk to your mom

HELP ME, HARLAN: tell her you need to see a doctor

HELP ME, HARLAN: and take it from there

HELP ME, HARLAN: but GO to a doctor

HELP ME, HARLAN: and have your boyfriend get checked, too

 

jaimeenrose: have you heard of teenagers breaking up with each other in chatrooms to avoid the embarrassment? What do you think of that?

HELP ME, HARLAN: I don't think there is any embarassment to avoid

HELP ME, HARLAN: breaking up is natural

HELP ME, HARLAN: unless you get married, you're going to break up

HELP ME, HARLAN: anyone who is afraid

HELP ME, HARLAN: is a big coward

HELP ME, HARLAN: and a loser

HELP ME, HARLAN: they shouldn't be dating

HELP ME, HARLAN: i've heard of all kind of break ups

HELP ME, HARLAN: i think it's really crappy to do it online

HELP ME, HARLAN: or on an answering maching

HELP ME, HARLAN: that's machine

HELP ME, HARLAN: or via a pager

HELP ME, HARLAN: or email

HELP ME, HARLAN: or sky writing

HELP ME, HARLAN: or on a PA system

HELP ME, HARLAN: at the airport

HELP ME, HARLAN: i hate that

HELP ME, HARLAN: here are some comments for the 14 year old with possible STDS

 

papillonsarah: if you cant tell your mom maybe you shouldn't be having sex

 

mcdonalds_girly: Wouldn't she feel better if she told her mom though? I mean, if I were in that kind of situation I'd feel better telling her. She might be

able to help better that way

HELP ME, HARLAN: definitely

HELP ME, HARLAN: the most important thing as of this minute

HELP ME, HARLAN: is for her to get to a doctor

HELP ME, HARLAN: and listening

HELP ME, HARLAN: keep sending comments in...

 

bellahead: If she calls planned parenthood or the YWCA they can tell you where to go for free

HELP ME, HARLAN: yes, that's the clinic option

HELP ME, HARLAN: but that's just very emotional to have to go that route

HELP ME, HARLAN: especially when dealing with an exam of this nature

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's so much more comfortable with a familiar doctor

HELP ME, HARLAN: or at least someone her mom knows...

HELP ME, HARLAN: or a friend of the family knows...

HELP ME, HARLAN: clinics can be kind of cold

HELP ME, HARLAN: you know

HELP ME, HARLAN: but it's an option

 

flylilmama1: Just go to the doctor and only tell yo mom if she really neds to know,

 

dougmc28: just be honest, secrests always find a way of coming out

 

johnny_rockin: If your 14 and cant handle this situation then you dont have any right to be having sex. Sex is a big responsibility and your not able to

handle it obviously

HELP ME, HARLAN: you could be a little nicer... come on

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's already happened

 

sincerecsc: harlan, why on earth would you not encourage a 14 yr old girl to talk to her parents about her being sexually active? it disturbs me that our

morals have declined to the point that we feel avoid conversations between parents and their own children is anything but good

HELP ME, HARLAN: that's beautiful

HELP ME, HARLAN: scroll up and read it again... she should, but I'm not going to force her... she needs to seek medical attention...

 

cutiepetutie_2u: your mom was a young girl once also , talk to her responsibly and she will come near being your friend and your mom at the

same time.....

HELP ME, HARLAN: I'm all for total disclosure

HELP ME, HARLAN: too

HELP ME, HARLAN: but she needs medical attention

HELP ME, HARLAN: bottom line

 

ball1110: why don't women want to give oral sex more?

HELP ME, HARLAN: "more" than what...

HELP ME, HARLAN: 10 times a day

HELP ME, HARLAN: what are you looking for ball?

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's all relative

HELP ME, HARLAN: some women give more

HELP ME, HARLAN: and other's give less

HELP ME, HARLAN: that's the kind of question that comes from a guy

HELP ME, HARLAN: who gets less

HELP ME, HARLAN: because he's too concerned about getting more

HELP ME, HARLAN: if that's all your after

HELP ME, HARLAN: more will always pass you by

HELP ME, HARLAN: if you try a relationship that is based on trust and friendship and love...

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can find more of everything

HELP ME, HARLAN: or at least talk about it

HELP ME, HARLAN: and i'm very interested in hearing a female perspective

HELP ME, HARLAN: Diva?

HELP ME, HARLAN: how does a guy get more oral sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: I know you're not psychologist or psychiatrist

HELP ME, HARLAN: but still...

CHAT DIVA: To me, the whole sex issue is about trust

CHAT DIVA: so maybe if she feels more comfortable

CHAT DIVA: in the whole giving/receiving thing

HELP ME, HARLAN: yes, i trust you completely

CHAT DIVA: nice try

HELP ME, HARLAN: okay

CHAT DIVA: moving on...

HELP ME, HARLAN: moving on....

 

eclipsesoccer6969: i have a young daughter and she always buys thongs is thier any sex going on between her and her boyfriend?

HELP ME, HARLAN: Thongs are big

HELP ME, HARLAN: especially extra large thongs

HELP ME, HARLAN: but a lot of girls wear them

HELP ME, HARLAN: a lot that are not having sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: in fact

HELP ME, HARLAN: look at a store

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you can see that thongs make up a HUGE part of the disply

HELP ME, HARLAN: not that i hang out in women's underwear sections

HELP ME, HARLAN: but i also read a story about this

HELP ME, HARLAN: how thongs have become mainstream

HELP ME, HARLAN: but also

HELP ME, HARLAN: talk to your daughter

HELP ME, HARLAN: I don't know if you were here when we were talking about the 14 year old girl

HELP ME, HARLAN: who was sexually active

HELP ME, HARLAN: and possibly had an STD

HELP ME, HARLAN: but she was afraid to talk to her mom

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's nice for your daughter to know

HELP ME, HARLAN: that she can talk to you

HELP ME, HARLAN: and that if she is sexually active

HELP ME, HARLAN: there are things she needs to do to take care of her body

HELP ME, HARLAN: and getting an annual exam is one of them

HELP ME, HARLAN: but she needs to know

HELP ME, HARLAN: that you're there

HELP ME, HARLAN: even if she's not listening

HELP ME, HARLAN: she hears you

HELP ME, HARLAN: i get thousands of letters from thousands of girls

HELP ME, HARLAN: who get way over their heads

HELP ME, HARLAN: and it's nice to know that there are moms out there thinking about this

HELP ME, HARLAN: of course

HELP ME, HARLAN: you're not promoting it

HELP ME, HARLAN: probably the opposite

HELP ME, HARLAN: but at least you're there!!! :)

HELP ME, HARLAN: And guys wear thongs, too

HELP ME, HARLAN: of so i've heard

HELP ME, HARLAN: :)

CHAT DIVA: uh huh

 

sincerecsc: that was way beter harlan

 

cuteniceguyfromny: I dont think girls should be having sex till they are atleast 18

HELP ME, HARLAN: so first they can drive

HELP ME, HARLAN: then they can have sex and buy smokes

HELP ME, HARLAN: and vote

HELP ME, HARLAN: and fight for their country

 

mynameisjim69: is masterbating ok

HELP ME, HARLAN: yes

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's totally normal

HELP ME, HARLAN: and completely natural

HELP ME, HARLAN: so don't feel guilty

HELP ME, HARLAN: the rule

HELP ME, HARLAN: if you're doing it so much that you have pain

HELP ME, HARLAN: or it's interferring with your regular life

HELP ME, HARLAN: i.e. missing meals

HELP ME, HARLAN: missing school

HELP ME, HARLAN: not doing work

HELP ME, HARLAN: for school

HELP ME, HARLAN: or you find it's becoming all you think about

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's too much

HELP ME, HARLAN: but masturbation is natural and healthy

HELP ME, HARLAN: (please make your voice go higher)

HELP ME, HARLAN: at the end of healthy

HELP ME, HARLAN: that's helllllll theeeeeeeeee

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's healthy because you can get to know your body

HELP ME, HARLAN: what you like

HELP ME, HARLAN: and what you don't like

 

coolchik72001: harlan, when u are 18 and go to a gynacologist can the doctor tell if u masturbate or not???? please answer.

HELP ME, HARLAN: who cares

HELP ME, HARLAN: it doesn't matter

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's totally natural

HELP ME, HARLAN: really

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's hard from a doctor to know for sure

HELP ME, HARLAN: but it's not shameful

HELP ME, HARLAN: and it's not something to hide

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's healthy

HELP ME, HARLAN: and understand it's healthy

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's against the law, it's confidentiality

HELP ME, HARLAN: but know that a doctor only wants information so he or she can help you

HELP ME, HARLAN: masturbating isn't something to hide

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's totally normal

HELP ME, HARLAN: in fact

HELP ME, HARLAN: many people masturbate during our chats

HELP ME, HARLAN: so i hear

HELP ME, HARLAN: and Diva say

HELP ME, HARLAN: says... many are naked too

HELP ME, HARLAN: in fact

HELP ME, HARLAN: is anyone really wearing clothes during this chat???

CHAT DIVA: There was a reason we avoided that question...

CHAT DIVA: Welll.... that time has come...

HELP ME, HARLAN: Nooooo

CHAT DIVA: we're outta time

HELP ME, HARLAN: please more

HELP ME, HARLAN: So we're done for today

HELP ME, HARLAN: Please check out more Q & A on my website at www.helpmeharlan.com

HELP ME, HARLAN: there is also info on my book

HELP ME, HARLAN: Campus Life Exposed

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's a great book for graduation

HELP ME, HARLAN: and for seniors in high school

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can see info on my website

HELP ME, HARLAN: also, I'm looking for stories about engagements gone bad

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can email me at harlan@helpmeharlan.com

HELP ME, HARLAN: good endings, bad endings, or no endings at all (if that's possible)

HELP ME, HARLAN: Thanks for hanging out today!

HELP ME, HARLAN: Have a great week... See ya soon!!!!

HELP ME, HARLAN: AND THANKS DIVA!!!

HELP ME, HARLAN: :)

CHAT DIVA: :D Thanks Harlan


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