HARLAN CHAT
- JULY 17, 2001 -

 

HELP ME, HARLAN: This is going to be a good chat

HELP ME, HARLAN: my keyboard is well lubricated

HELP ME, HARLAN: and my fingers are stretched

HELP ME, HARLAN: and well lubricated

HELP ME, HARLAN: so welcome

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's great to have you hear

HELP ME, HARLAN: so this is more of a forum

HELP ME, HARLAN: i get to reply first

HELP ME, HARLAN: because it's my chat

HELP ME, HARLAN: you get to reply second

HELP ME, HARLAN: and third

HELP ME, HARLAN: your comments are VERY important

HELP ME, HARLAN: more important than mine

HELP ME, HARLAN: most of the time

HELP ME, HARLAN: so send them in

HELP ME, HARLAN: even if you think this is a bunch of crap

CHAT DIVA:: Just remember -- The ASK A QUESTION box is your frienD

HELP ME, HARLAN: send it in

HELP ME, HARLAN: write your note in the ask question box

HELP ME, HARLAN: DO NOT be confused

HELP ME, HARLAN: it might say

HELP ME, HARLAN: "Ask a question"

HELP ME, HARLAN: but you can say whatever the hell you want... without a question mark at the end

HELP ME, HARLAN: as always

HELP ME, HARLAN: this chat copyright Help Me, Harlan! --- Q @ A included

HELP ME, HARLAN: so let's get rolling

HELP ME, HARLAN: Hi Diva

HELP ME, HARLAN: you look spectactular today

CHAT DIVA:: How would you know, you can't even see me

HELP ME, HARLAN: I've been watching you... oh yeah, I've been watching

CHAT DIVA:: Thank you Sting and the Police

CHAT DIVA:: are you ready for the questions?

HELP ME, HARLAN: No, let's just do this small talk for an hour

HELP ME, HARLAN: okay...

HELP ME, HARLAN: yes

CHAT DIVA:: Yeah, right, whatever

HELP ME, HARLAN: we all want questions

 

party_gurl172000: my bf and I broke up yesterday and I feel really bad now and I dunno what to do...any ideas?

HELP ME, HARLAN: So fresh off the break-up

HELP ME, HARLAN: yeah, the day after is a brutal day

HELP ME, HARLAN: you should feel bad

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's normal

HELP ME, HARLAN: probably not as bad

HELP ME, HARLAN: but still bad

HELP ME, HARLAN: i don't know why you feel bad

HELP ME, HARLAN: obviously

HELP ME, HARLAN: there were some MAJOR problems

HELP ME, HARLAN: or he wouldn't be an X

HELP ME, HARLAN: so you did what you had to do

HELP ME, HARLAN: if you feel bad about breaking up with him...

HELP ME, HARLAN: now he can date someone who will appreciate him

HELP ME, HARLAN: you did him a favor

HELP ME, HARLAN: if you're feeling bad because you miss his company

HELP ME, HARLAN: you'll adjust

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's part of the process

HELP ME, HARLAN: so feel it

HELP ME, HARLAN: feel it dee

HELP ME, HARLAN: p

HELP ME, HARLAN: tha'ts deep

HELP ME, HARLAN: and take it all in... and then move forward

HELP ME, HARLAN: stay busy

HELP ME, HARLAN: make plans with your friends

HELP ME, HARLAN: stay active

HELP ME, HARLAN: helps me think

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you get that natural high

HELP ME, HARLAN: breaking up is rough, but it's part of the process

HELP ME, HARLAN: so enjoy it

HELP ME, HARLAN: before you meet someone new

 

charming01: Money seems to be a huge issue with my Bf I work full time & I'm a little behind on bills what is a good way to resolve these kind of

issues

HELP ME, HARLAN: I don'

HELP ME, HARLAN: t know why your bills are his problem

HELP ME, HARLAN: you're working and you're an adult

HELP ME, HARLAN: he's not your dad

HELP ME, HARLAN: he does things his way and you do things your way

HELP ME, HARLAN: The way to put him at ease

HELP ME, HARLAN: is to have a plan

HELP ME, HARLAN: and a budget

HELP ME, HARLAN: is that you put yourself at ease

HELP ME, HARLAN: and that means living w/in your means

HELP ME, HARLAN: a great book

HELP ME, HARLAN: is Susie Orman's 9 steps to financial freedom

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's put it all in very easy to understand terms

HELP ME, HARLAN: if you're doing something

HELP ME, HARLAN: he doesn't have to worry

HELP ME, HARLAN: just make a plan

HELP ME, HARLAN: and do it

HELP ME, HARLAN: and stick to it

CHAT DIVA:: To send in questions, type in the ASK A QUESTION box and click the "ask" button... Do the same thing to add your two cents to the advice!

 

curlytree531: why are guys such idiots around their friends?

HELP ME, HARLAN: They know that girls are attracted to idiots

HELP ME, HARLAN: so they try their hardest

HELP ME, HARLAN: to please you

HELP ME, HARLAN: and other girls who love idiots

HELP ME, HARLAN: if girls stopped wanting to go after the idiots

HELP ME, HARLAN: guys would stop

HELP ME, HARLAN: and any comments are welcome

HELP ME, HARLAN: especially from guys who act like idiots

 

jkfischer2000: I have my 17 year old grandson living with me,do I need to talk about sex or should I assume he knows about safe sex?

HELP ME, HARLAN: YES

HELP ME, HARLAN: talk to him

HELP ME, HARLAN: and he might act like he's not listening

HELP ME, HARLAN: but keep talking

HELP ME, HARLAN: and tell him

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you can even get him my book if you want... it's perfect for that age group

HELP ME, HARLAN: it talks about dating, relationships, sex.. and college

HELP ME, HARLAN: you don't have to get my book

HELP ME, HARLAN: i'm not trying to push it

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's just it has good information that can be second source

HELP ME, HARLAN: he might know

HELP ME, HARLAN: but there's a lot he doesn't know

 

theyearof2001: what hes 17... he def knows

HELP ME, HARLAN: yeah

HELP ME, HARLAN: i'm sure he does

HELP ME, HARLAN: but he doesn't know he can talk to his grandmother about it

HELP ME, HARLAN: not he wants to

HELP ME, HARLAN: to know

HELP ME, HARLAN: that she's hip to what's happening

HELP ME, HARLAN: and that she's there

HELP ME, HARLAN: and aware

HELP ME, HARLAN: and that she cares

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's nice to know you're loved

HELP ME, HARLAN: even if it's awkward

HELP ME, HARLAN: that's why bringing up the subject and giving him a book or something more

HELP ME, HARLAN: but say something

HELP ME, HARLAN: 1 of 4 teens has a sexuall transmitted disease

HELP ME, HARLAN: or STI, sexually transmitted infection

HELP ME, HARLAN: he needs to be reminded

HELP ME, HARLAN: EVERY 17 year old needs to be reminded

HELP ME, HARLAN: these things are out there

HELP ME, HARLAN: and AIDS is on the rise among teens

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can't hear about it enough

HELP ME, HARLAN: TELL HIM

HELP ME, HARLAN: Talk to him

HELP ME, HARLAN: and keep talking to him

HELP ME, HARLAN: SAFE SEX

HELP ME, HARLAN: very important stuff

HELP ME, HARLAN: the message has gotten lost in the past few years

HELP ME, HARLAN: at least from letters I receive

 

mikeyb22: Hey.....I have fallen for one of my close girlfriends....expect she does not feel the same way that I do. What is the best way for me to try to

save our friendship while dealing with my own feelings?

HELP ME, HARLAN: Find out for sure if she feels one way or the other

HELP ME, HARLAN: pose the question as a hypothetical

HELP ME, HARLAN: for example...

HELP ME, HARLAN: "have you ever imaged us as a couple..."

HELP ME, HARLAN: but find out

HELP ME, HARLAN: then you can think of her as friend

HELP ME, HARLAN: and only a friend

HELP ME, HARLAN: because it's your mind that's messing with you

HELP ME, HARLAN: not her

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's all how your frame it

 

alcoutu: If two people live together and thus share a credit history, the partner may have a right to be concerned that his partner is behind in bill

payments.

HELP ME, HARLAN: Of course... but that info I don't have... but regardless, she NEEDS a plan

 

craving_fun: wouldn't it make the guy think well I have my guardians support to engage in sex at this age?

HELP ME, HARLAN: you're talking about the grandma talking

HELP ME, HARLAN: NO

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's like having condoms available

HELP ME, HARLAN: to teenagers

HELP ME, HARLAN: does that say, "go have sex?"

HELP ME, HARLAN: it says

HELP ME, HARLAN: if you choose to do something risky... be SAFE

HELP ME, HARLAN: but make sure you're ready

HELP ME, HARLAN: and being ready means more than having an erection and partner

HELP ME, HARLAN: there's much more to it

HELP ME, HARLAN: and it helps to have someone there to remind you along the way

HELP ME, HARLAN: but offering resources

HELP ME, HARLAN: and guidance

HELP ME, HARLAN: and education

HELP ME, HARLAN: is not offering encouragement

HELP ME, HARLAN: and any comments are welcome

HELP ME, HARLAN: this is interesting to me

HELP ME, HARLAN: how you guys feel

CHAT DIVA:: To send in questions, type in the ASK A QUESTION box and click the "ask" button... Do the same thing to add your two cents of advice!

HELP ME, HARLAN: and i'm sure it's interesting to many other people

 

jenniferhoffer: I have a situation for you ... I was a virgin until a couple weeks ago and I lost it to a guy I had just met ... the next morning I felt horrible

so I never talked to him again... I saw him again last night and we went and hung out at his friends.. but he seems to ignore me.. I feel like a whore...

help

HELP ME, HARLAN: First of all...

HELP ME, HARLAN: DO NOT feel bad

HELP ME, HARLAN: You did nothing wrong....

HELP ME, HARLAN: you just rushed things

HELP ME, HARLAN: and got a little too excited

HELP ME, HARLAN: and made a mistake

HELP ME, HARLAN: and that's cool

HELP ME, HARLAN: it happens

HELP ME, HARLAN: so don't be so hard on yourself

HELP ME, HARLAN: yeah, it sucks

HELP ME, HARLAN: but it happened and you'll be okay

HELP ME, HARLAN: this guy is probably nervous

HELP ME, HARLAN: and concerned

HELP ME, HARLAN: you shared something very special

HELP ME, HARLAN: and then there was no communication

HELP ME, HARLAN: he probably doesn't know what to think

HELP ME, HARLAN: and the safest solution

HELP ME, HARLAN: is to avoid the situation

HELP ME, HARLAN: so him ignoring you doesn't meant that he things badly of you

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can just let it go and move forward

HELP ME, HARLAN: and think of it all as a mistake

HELP ME, HARLAN: and take it much more slowly in the future

HELP ME, HARLAN: of you can give him a call

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can say hi

HELP ME, HARLAN: and talk about things

HELP ME, HARLAN: and how things got out of control

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you just wanted to say hi

HELP ME, HARLAN: so the next time you guys see each other

HELP ME, HARLAN: it will be cool

HELP ME, HARLAN: just say something to him

HELP ME, HARLAN: that seems to be safer

HELP ME, HARLAN: you'll have answers and he'll know what's up

HELP ME, HARLAN: otherwise

HELP ME, HARLAN: the silent treatment

HELP ME, HARLAN: can get weird

HELP ME, HARLAN: and he can think things like....

HELP ME, HARLAN: you thought he was terrible

HELP ME, HARLAN: a horrible lover

HELP ME, HARLAN: I can only imagine his thoughts

HELP ME, HARLAN: say something

HELP ME, HARLAN: and don't feel like a whore

HELP ME, HARLAN: you're not a whore

HELP ME, HARLAN: NOT AT ALL!!!

HELP ME, HARLAN: be nice to yourself :)

 

Pillypacka: sometimes it's better to get it over with like that regardless of the feeling after... now all that first time tension is gone if and when you fiond

someone you care about that you want to be with

HELP ME, HARLAN: OKAY, I think that ABSURD!!!

HELP ME, HARLAN: Ridiculous

HELP ME, HARLAN: there doesn't need to be FIRST TIME TENSION

HELP ME, HARLAN: that's something we manufacture

HELP ME, HARLAN: it can be beautiful thing

HELP ME, HARLAN: and the second time can be a beautiful thing

HELP ME, HARLAN: slow is a safe way to go

HELP ME, HARLAN: and also... there's all those health concerns too

 

Pillypacka: but there always is

HELP ME, HARLAN: always is.... "First Time Tenstion?"

HELP ME, HARLAN: if there is...

HELP ME, HARLAN: Then it's NOT the right person

HELP ME, HARLAN: because if you're with someone you care about deeply

HELP ME, HARLAN: and they care about you

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you're mature enough to take that step

HELP ME, HARLAN: to get that physically close

HELP ME, HARLAN: you should be able to let the whole thing bring you closer

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's the WRONG person

 

emalina1: I just wanted to say that I did that once and then I did all I could to become his girlfriend to make me feel better...but I ended up feeling

worse dating a loser for 6 months.

HELP ME, HARLAN: yeah, that's really interesting

HELP ME, HARLAN: people make mistakes

HELP ME, HARLAN: it happens

HELP ME, HARLAN: all the time!!!

HELP ME, HARLAN: you clean up and you move forward

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you don't beat yourself up

HELP ME, HARLAN: you say, "This won't happen again:"

HELP ME, HARLAN: i've learned

HELP ME, HARLAN: and i'll be more careful

HELP ME, HARLAN: and then it's a sunny nice day!

 

johnny_rockin: how can someone like me learn to overcome shyness?

HELP ME, HARLAN: Hey Johnny

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's the same answer from a few weeks ago

HELP ME, HARLAN: you have to do things that make you feel good about yourself

HELP ME, HARLAN: things that you can do with complete confidence

HELP ME, HARLAN: and then you work to get comfortable physically

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you do all you can be you personal best

HELP ME, HARLAN: and then you put yourself out there

HELP ME, HARLAN: you get invovled

HELP ME, HARLAN: you meet people during your daily life

HELP ME, HARLAN: you get involved in activities, sports, organization, classes

HELP ME, HARLAN: you do things and get out!

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you keep working to be your best

HELP ME, HARLAN: and then when someone doesn't want you

HELP ME, HARLAN: Because most people won't want to be romantic with you

HELP ME, HARLAN: or me

HELP ME, HARLAN: because we're not all compatible

HELP ME, HARLAN: then....

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can risk putting yourself in the path of rejection

HELP ME, HARLAN: and be comfortable

HELP ME, HARLAN: because YOU are your best

HELP ME, HARLAN: and if someone can't appreciate what you have to offer... they don't need you!

HELP ME, HARLAN: that's how you meet people

HELP ME, HARLAN: if you're shy

HELP ME, HARLAN: you're either someone with a social phobia

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you need professional help

HELP ME, HARLAN: and there's help available

HELP ME, HARLAN: or you're afraid of approaching new people for fear they will judge you

HELP ME, HARLAN: BUT

HELP ME, HARLAN: if you're comfortable yourself

HELP ME, HARLAN: you will NO LONGER care what they think

HELP ME, HARLAN: because YOU know yourself

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you trust that there are people out there who will want you

HELP ME, HARLAN: and they will...

HELP ME, HARLAN: so do what you need to get comfortable

HELP ME, HARLAN: and make it happen

CHAT DIVA:: Remember to send your questions and comments in thru the ASK A QUESTION box -- we can't see into all the chat room so that's your link to us :)

 

montana_guy15: Have you ever talked to teen about gay problems?

HELP ME, HARLAN: Yes

 

ahren21: Hey, do you happen to know what the percentage is of contracting hiv through oral sex?

HELP ME, HARLAN: one more thing... a good website for gay issues is www.outproud.org

HELP ME, HARLAN: exact percentages I don't know

HELP ME, HARLAN: but know that it happens

HELP ME, HARLAN: and that HIV is on the rise among teens

HELP ME, HARLAN: oral sex can be performed with condom and dental dams (latex covers for women)

HELP ME, HARLAN: when I say performed

HELP ME, HARLAN: I'm not talking in front of a live studio audience

HELP ME, HARLAN: to clear up any confusion

 

cyn211: I am 21 been married for five months and ALL we do is fight, we never fought before we got married, and the more we fight the less intense he

seems to feel abut our relationship

HELP ME, HARLAN: I don't know the answer

HELP ME, HARLAN: that's the answer

HELP ME, HARLAN: Maybe things moved to fast

HELP ME, HARLAN: maybe you two are on top of each other and need a little space during the week

HELP ME, HARLAN: there's something happening

HELP ME, HARLAN: and get help if you can't figure it out between the two of you

HELP ME, HARLAN: seek couple's counseling

HELP ME, HARLAN: but there's something happening

HELP ME, HARLAN: fighting isn't about what you're usually fighting about

HELP ME, HARLAN: there's usually and undercurrent

HELP ME, HARLAN: The BIG issue is what you need to address

HELP ME, HARLAN: the fighting will only contnue

 

opietaylornfa: how can sex be prolonged without extra efforts on both parties

HELP ME, HARLAN: Extra efforts?

HELP ME, HARLAN: What the hell does that mean...

HELP ME, HARLAN: I'm so confused

HELP ME, HARLAN: slow down before you go over the edge

HELP ME, HARLAN: and stop putting forth effort

HELP ME, HARLAN: and then you can start again

HELP ME, HARLAN: and stop before going over the edge again

HELP ME, HARLAN: then start again

HELP ME, HARLAN: althought the starting again does take effort

 

arifwsu: my girlfriend suppose to have period 15th of this month ..but she did not have yet. i'm concern since we had sex many time last month...and we

don't want any baby now...what should i do..pls help me out...???

HELP ME, HARLAN: what's today?

HELP ME, HARLAN: so it's been a few days

HELP ME, HARLAN: it still could come

HELP ME, HARLAN: did you just hear something?

HELP ME, HARLAN: never mind...

HELP ME, HARLAN: You can start with a home pregnancy test

HELP ME, HARLAN: then next week she can go to the doctor if it still has not arrived

HELP ME, HARLAN: but before freaking out

HELP ME, HARLAN: relax

HELP ME, HARLAN: these thing can be late

HELP ME, HARLAN: a few days does not make a baby

HELP ME, HARLAN: know that there is tons of support out there should her period be more than late

HELP ME, HARLAN: but start with a home test

HELP ME, HARLAN: go to a doctor next week

HELP ME, HARLAN: and worry about it then...

HELP ME, HARLAN: also, think about using a couple methods of birth control

HELP ME, HARLAN: condoms, the pill, spermidal lubricant

HELP ME, HARLAN: use a couple to be safe

HELP ME, HARLAN: and one more thing

HELP ME, HARLAN: be there for her

HELP ME, HARLAN: and don't freak out just yet

HELP ME, HARLAN: Never freak out

HELP ME, HARLAN: you'll deal with whatever happens

HELP ME, HARLAN: but be VERY safe in the future... pregnancy scares are... well... scary!

 

italianstallion6969_911: where is a girl's g spot I hope I'm not sounding like an ass

HELP ME, HARLAN: You ass

HELP ME, HARLAN: you had to expect that...

HELP ME, HARLAN: I hate being too graphic here

HELP ME, HARLAN: but there was a good description of the "G-spot" locator in Cosmo or some of other magazine... it was a couple months ago

HELP ME, HARLAN: i wouldn't worry about it

HELP ME, HARLAN: if you're with someone

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's better to work together to find it

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's like a scavenger hunt

HELP ME, HARLAN: kind of...

 

amethyst152: I have a question but I can't put it in a sentence...something about having a crush with someone but this guy is shy. How do I break the

ice?

HELP ME, HARLAN: Here, let's put it in a sentence for you

HELP ME, HARLAN: I have a crush and don't know how to break the ice....

HELP ME, HARLAN: You just need to say something

HELP ME, HARLAN: anything

HELP ME, HARLAN: ask him to hang out wiht you and your friends one night

HELP ME, HARLAN: or mention a movie you want to see

HELP ME, HARLAN: and say... we should check it out together

HELP ME, HARLAN: bring something up

HELP ME, HARLAN: and make something you can do together

HELP ME, HARLAN: and then let him think he's picking the thing to do

HELP ME, HARLAN: or at least give him the option

HELP ME, HARLAN: the movie example would like this...

HELP ME, HARLAN: You say, "There are a few movies I want to see...."

HELP ME, HARLAN: then you name a few

HELP ME, HARLAN: and he names a few

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you say.... we should see it together

HELP ME, HARLAN: and then it's like his idea

HELP ME, HARLAN: but say something

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can stop wasting your time on this crush

HELP ME, HARLAN: and move on

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can't stay in one place too long

HELP ME, HARLAN: the key is to keep moving

HELP ME, HARLAN: give him a chance

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can't wait around forever for the shy guy to make the move

HELP ME, HARLAN: and sorry

HELP ME, HARLAN: if that sentence thing made me into too big of a smart ass

 

DIABOLIC_666: that's manipulation!

HELP ME, HARLAN: yeah

HELP ME, HARLAN: but shy guys

HELP ME, HARLAN: need help

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's either that

HELP ME, HARLAN: or nothing

 

starlight746: s cohabitating a good idea to get to know someone better?

HELP ME, HARLAN: I think you can get to know someone without sharing an address, bathroom, and phonebill

HELP ME, HARLAN: if you can't

HELP ME, HARLAN: then maybe that something about the relationship

HELP ME, HARLAN: living together is a HUGE step

HELP ME, HARLAN: unless you're engage

HELP ME, HARLAN: i don't get it

HELP ME, HARLAN: unless it's a financial thing

HELP ME, HARLAN: engagements are about seeing if things fit

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's a trial

HELP ME, HARLAN: period

 

Mack_D_Knife: What are your thoughts about abstanance? I don't want to catch an STD, but I don't want to be a monk either... do you think that it's

possible to have a relationship with someone and abstain or is this something of fiction?

HELP ME, HARLAN: Yeah, you can totally be abstinent and have an amazing relationship

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you can also take things VERY slowly

HELP ME, HARLAN: and be very safe

HELP ME, HARLAN: with someone you trust

HELP ME, HARLAN: and not have to be a monk

HELP ME, HARLAN: unless you enjoy role playing

HELP ME, HARLAN: and wearing the monk attire turns you on

HELP ME, HARLAN: but there is something so amazing about taking it slowly

HELP ME, HARLAN: and trusting someone completely

HELP ME, HARLAN: and being monogomous

HELP ME, HARLAN: if you're planning on being sexually active

HELP ME, HARLAN: get tested for HIV

HELP ME, HARLAN: make sure you know each other's history

HELP ME, HARLAN: use condoms

HELP ME, HARLAN: be safe

HELP ME, HARLAN: you don't have to have sex, as in intercourse

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can do other things and be sexual

HELP ME, HARLAN: and you can choose to abstain

HELP ME, HARLAN: YES

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's VERY possible

HELP ME, HARLAN: and when it happens... it's more amazing than sex

HELP ME, HARLAN: it's intimacy on the deepest level

HELP ME, HARLAN: but most people don't go slow enough to get there

CHAT DIVA:: That's all the time we've got today

HELP ME, HARLAN: Whaoooo.... that totally flew by

HELP ME, HARLAN: you serious?

HELP ME, HARLAN: are you lying about being serious?

CHAT DIVA:: I think I'm lying about lying

HELP ME, HARLAN: so WE are out of time

HELP ME, HARLAN: we could of answered another questions during your lying fit

HELP ME, HARLAN: Thanks for hanging out here today

HELP ME, HARLAN: you can check out Q & A on my website

HELP ME, HARLAN: at www.helpmeharlan.com

HELP ME, HARLAN: and there's my book, Campus Life Expose Advice from Inside

 

craving_fun: thanks harlan

HELP ME, HARLAN: And Thanks DIVA!!!!

HELP ME, HARLAN: have a great week

CHAT DIVA:: thanks everyone

HELP ME, HARLAN: we're back again here same time & same place

CHAT DIVA:: See you next week!

HELP ME, HARLAN: Hope this helped!!!!